trigger warnings: repetition, intrusive thoughts (specifically s/h and gore), repetition and punctuation compulsions, families, loss of time, feeling sick, compulsive reading, depersonalization, self-isolation, guns, false memories, dissociative amnesia, death, printer go brr
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head spinning
head spinning
head spinning
layers and layers and layers
repeating repeating
I can't think straight
can't think in a line
I'm not straight
that's great
images flash
colors clash
can't open my mouth
or the images feel there
can't open my mouth
or I'll repeat out loud
loud loud loud out loud
writing what I think space
is sometimes hard period
quote all I think is
patterns
and punctuation
end quote
voices conflicting
fighting for volume
ow ow ow oh
names are names
don't matter anyway
stab my wrist
in my mind, anyway
comma comma comma period
d o t d o t
parents tell me do my work
can't think for long
I can't do work
stories are hard again
they were back for a day
or a week or six months
it's all the same, every day
bounce my leg so hard it breaks
punch my face
peel skin with fangs
peeling skin revealing flesh
I feel sick great sick
doing things I regret
hard to turn away
read it and sob
trying to put it away
ew ew but I can't look away
fight for control of my own mind
my thoughts aren't mine
stare off into space
no thoughts
all thoughts
music my friend
is dead again
I need more space
I need to breathe
quiet is danger
people aren't safe
the images are back
I can't push them away
I hate them I hate me I hate I'm this way
guns bullets guns
never been on a range
but I have, oh well
stays all the same
fight for a truth
but memories aren't true
they pull and vanish and come back changed
empty spots
tears on my face
grab my ankle brace
my wrist twists in pain
but it's not in pain
it just looks that way
neck strains and pops
crack, there's no life
no man's land
silent tomb
stand in the gloom
hum a tune
cry for help
but no sound comes out
can't speak can't think
can't escape my thoughts
lash out, get hurt
my dad called today
asked me how I was
as I shook and tried to say
"hang up, leave me alone"
can't stop them around me
they don't hurt me but they hurt me all the same
punch and kick and lay down in the dirt
can't speak can't remember
what words I'm looking for
punctuation only matters
when its all I can hear
shut it away and deny it my pain
fuck the world
fuck my life
fuck today, fuck tonight
now hurts, the day's through
and I wont sing to you
rhymes sometimes,
but all out of place
stab myself in the eye
pull it out on a stake
glasses are glass
they hurt when they break
fall on your ass
and they laugh in your face
whered my thoughts go
printers full and out of ink
page after page after day
I can't think straight
what even is straight>
just a word floating by
deny me the life
what life? Who am I?
don't be consistent
keep patterns all the same
follow the line
inside my brain
a maze, a trail, a jail
my jail
my cage
mind palace's guards are the thoughts I fear
palace is a prison
it never was here
no end to anything
thoughts run all day
just shut up and hide
say "see you later"
