Some Kind of Wonderful (Heungsoon Edition)

Chapter 8

I shouldn't have lied.

Sunlight was creeping silently into Namsoon's bedroom. He hated the unstoppable and uninvited guest for chasing the darkness away. Namsoon's bloodshot eyes certainly didn't welcome the intrusion. Namsoon had been unable to sleep the entire night. His mind just kept replaying the scene with Heungsoo eight hours before. But he always changed the ending. In his version, Heungsoo didn't stalk off in fury instead Heungsoo calmed down and hugged him.

A tear fell and Namsoon just let it be. It didn't matter. His pillow was already damp in a handful of places anyway.

Nine hours ago, he had been laughing with his classmates. An hour later, he got into a shouting match with Heungsoo. He hadn't expected to blow up like that. But then he hadn't expected the sudden turn of their conversation either.

Namsoon and Heungsoo had been poking fun at what the other students did during the games as they walked home. But when they reached the children's playground near Heungsoo's house, Heungsoo abruptly stopped walking. Namsoon turned around when he noticed Heungsoo had faltered. He wore a questioning expression, eyebrows raised and lips pressed in a mock pout.

"Wasn't there something you were going to tell me?" Heungsoo asked in a low voice.

Namsoon's insides twisted. He hoped. He prayed Heungsoo forgot because he wasn't really ready. But his time was up. He didn't know how to explain it so he just dropped the bomb and braced for the explosion.

"I've enlisted."

"What?" The single word was delivered softly.

Namsoon was not sure if it was a rhetorical question or Heungsoo just didn't hear it clearly the first time. But Heungsoo was just looking at him with a frown on his face. So Namsoon tried to explain further, "After graduation, I'm going to do my mandatory military service."

"When did you decide this?" Again, the question was deceptively soft but Namsoon could hear the hint of steel in Heungsoo's voice.

"Does it matter?" Namsoon countered before walking inside the playground and sitting down on one of the swings. He figured this talk might take awhile.

"Of course it matters!" Heungsoo raised his voice as he followed Namsoon.

"Why?" Namsoon looked up at Heungsoo.

"What the hell! Don't be obtuse! When were you planning to tell me originally? Before graduation? During graduation? Or were you just going to send me a letter after the fact? I don't understand you anymore, Go Namsoon," Heungsoo's voice was full of accusation.

"What the hell does that mean?" Namsoon responded defensively and glared at Heungsoo. Had Namsoon been calmer, he would have realized how wrong the direction of their conversation had taken. But Namsoon was not calm. He had been under too much stress. True, it's a stress of his own making but it's still stress nonetheless. And he was tired of holding it in.

"What the hell did I do that has made you start keeping things from me? You've always talked to me about important stuff before. And military service? Yeah, I think it's fucking important! You'll be gone for two years. Two years! And you didn't think to talk to me about it when you decided to do it?" Heungsoo's anger was almost palable. His warm breaths came out rapidly and were visible in the cold air. He looked really incensed.

"Because I wanted to make that decision on my own!" Namsoon jerked himself out of the swing to stand up and be at Heungsoo's eye level. He was equally angry for reasons borne out of frustration. "I needed to learn to start doing things without asking for your input. I don't have a fucking clue what to do with my life! Mine had always revolved around you. And you... you have your goals that give you direction. I have none. But I can't be an anchor around your neck forever. Sooner or later, we're going to drift apart anyway. Sooner or later, you're going to find a girl and maybe settle down and have kids." And I don't think I can be there to watch that all happen. That would be like living with a knife in my heart.