Therapy {ON HOLD}

Pity.

First day of therapy. I'm sat on the grey couch, staring at the plain wall with nothing but one single, large painting. It looked like something Picasso would of painted, but this artist just used 4 colors. Red, pink, orange, and some tints of white. Its kinda funny how such a mess of paint made on purpose is considered beautiful and admired. But when a persons life is fucked up and such a mess, people don't give a shit and feel pity for you, instead of looking at it in awe and feeling proud.
I didn't want to come to therapy; hell my dad didn't even want to drop me off here. He only did it because he thought theres nothing else to do. He refused to believe there is something wrong with me; which there isn't, only because I was the only thing he had left.
Don't get me wrong, I love my dad. He's the best, and he's really funny. Well he tries to be but he isn't, which makes it funny. Its just, after a month of not speaking, you just become accustomed to it and I've been going at it for 4 months so far. And lets not forget, he is like the only person I can be around, without freaking out. Sometimes.
"Danielle Fields" I jump at the sudden voice. A pretty young lady walked in through the doors. Her heels clicking on the wooden floor. She looked like she was in her late 20's or early thirties. Her hair was in a high pony tail and she wore a sky blue button up with a black tight skirt, reaching just above her knees.
"Hi, I'm dr.Gen." She stuck her hand out for me to shake. I didn't shake it, I just stared up at her with a bored expression. Rude, yeah yeah I know.
"Okay, well" she dusted the non existence dust off her skirt and she sat in her chair across from me, in between us was a coffee table.
"How are you?"
I shrugged. Okay I'm pretty sure she knows she isn't getting a response.
"So lets start off with some simple questions." She sighed right after, faking a smile. She slightly gasped and got up, walking over to the desk in the corner of this room. She opened a drawer and took out a white board and a marker. He walked over to me to hand me the board, but I panicked with each step she took. I felt my heart beating but I tried calming myself down.
"Hey, its okay. Here take this, and when you want to answer, just write it down." She placed the board and marker softly on my lap.
"Lets start with, have you had any kinds of attacks? Anxiety, panic, etc?" I nodded.
"When was the most recent one?"
My palms were a bit clammy and shaky, but I managed to write down my answer.
"Yesterday."
"Was it early or late?" She continued.
I erased what I had written down and wrote again.
"Around 2 am." I scribbled. My heart started beating again, I felt it get hot in here. This was too much, I can't handle this. These questions are shit. And just a stupid reminder of what happened, what I saw.
I got up and ran out before the tears threaten to spill. My dad said he would be outside waiting in the car, so I run out of the building. I looked at the spot he was parked at when he dropped me off, but it was empty. That only made my heart beat immensely. This cant be happening. Not here, not now. I felt my head spinning and I felt tears slowly falling out of my eyes, my chest tightened and I was sweating even though the breeze was fresh.
Someone bumped into me, letting me fall to the ground. I fell back, the only thing that saved me from hitting my head were my elbows, which now for sure have freshly cuts.
"Oh shit, Im so sorry." the guy said. I couldn't see him clearly from the tears blurring my sight and the panic taking over my body. I let out a loud whimper and used all the strength I actually had, to get up.
"Hey,are you okay?" He said in a rush trying to place an arm on my shoulder, but that only worsen everything, that only made me freak out even more. I slapped his hand away really hard and pushed him before running away and past him.
I felt like I was running for my life, but I probably look like a really wasted teenager trying to run.
It was hard to breathe and the whole world was spinning. My heart pounded.
I stuck my hand out to reach for something for me to hold onto it, thank god it was a rail. I say on the stair case and tried calming my breathe.

Breath in. Count to five.
The running made me so tired, which only made my breathing 10x harder.
Breath out. Count to five. Curl your toes.
It was empty. the streets were pretty much empty. All I saw were cars.
I heard footsteps, it messed up my calm breathing but i tried to regain it.
"Hey are you alright?" The kid breathed and he jogged his last step to me. He got in front of me and I let out a crying squeal, moving back and higher up the stair case with my shaking arms and feet. Trying anything to get away from him.
"Hey, hey hey. Breathe. I won't do anything bad to you." I couldn't trust him. I don't know him.
I tried kicking my feet but he took a step back, so the only thing that touched him was the tip of my foot.
I couldn't say anything, all I could do was cry and try to defend myself, which wasn't all that helpful when your so weak and vulnerable.
"What can I do for you to stop trying to hit me and so I can help you." he said calmly.
I lifted my shaky hand and pointed to the other side of the stair case, which was at least a 5 feet distance.
He put his hands up in defense and went over to sit there.
I whimpered quietly and cried. I shakily took out my phone from my back pocket, it being a struggle, but once I got it out, I tried texting my dad.
"Do you need help?" The stranger asked.
I furiously shook my head, like a child and attempted in texting my dad. When I heard him shift, I tried huddling more into the corner and brought my knees up to my chest.
"Here let me help." he took my phone from my hands, making me squeal a bit and tears rolled down my cheeks.
"You want to text your dad?" I stayed quiet and didn't make eye contact.
Im pretty sure its not that hard to guess, since he was basically my only contact. Other than the two other, being my old best friends. I don't know why I still had them there but I just couldn't find the courage to delete them like everyone else. They still attempted to text me or call but I ignored calls and conversations were dry.
"I told him to come and pick you up. I told him where your at." he placed my phone next to my feet. I quickly reached for it.
"Are you okay? Do you want to talk about it or something?" He awkwardly scratched his neck. I stayed quiet staring at the ground in front of me. I was still breathing heavy but slow, and my heart was still kinda pounding rapidly. We just stayed silent.

It wasn't long before my dad showed up and I got up quickly, almost losing my balance but the kid came up to me to balance me, only making me run away from him. I hurried into the car and shut the door.
My dad looked at me with a worried and confused expression but I ignored it.
He did some weird hand signal with this hands to the kid and the kid smiled, raising his hand. Whatever that is.
I was angry, so angry, but I cant do shit. I cant yell, I cant physically hurt my dad. And that only angers me more.
Once were home I run to the front door. Luckily, it was unlocked. I ran to my room and locked the door. Throwing myself in my bed.

Sorry if this chapter is over exaggerating? Or if its boring or idk but I tried. Thanks to my loves, for helping me out with this book lovee you guys a lot. lukeismy_penguin miserymuke heyhoran 🎀💓
Enjoy the first chapter guys!