The Heartbreaker Agreement

Chapter Fifteen: Brother

I woke up in my bed absolutely silent. Not because my mother had yelled at me when I came home or because Jaimie's dad had joined in. Not because Emily had posted a picture of me and Jaxon with a bunch of cruel things in the comments. Not because Sarah had called and demanded that we talk, that it was urgent but gave no apology. No, I woke up with a hollow feeling in my gut, and tears stinging behind my eyes because November the twentieth was the worst day of my life.

It never failed; no matter how amazing the day before was, when the twentieth rolled around I would be near tears every time. It was the one day a year when I could cry at any moment. It was the one day a year where I had inevitable bad luck. It was the day that my brother walked out of my life.

My throat was tight and constricted and I felt terrible. I wasn't sick, and if I made it through the day and stayed up until twelve the next morning, I'd smile again. It was as if my body knew that this one day should be mourned every year. It was the most unlucky and most terrible day I ever had. It mad every other 'bad' day that any other person had, look like good one.

It took everything I had in me to crawl to the bathroom. Literally crawl my way to the toilet where my stomach churned and my vison blurred. It took all my strength to push myself up using the toilet for a balance, and it took all my will to climb into the shower.

"Kill yourself and do us all a favor."

It wasn't supposed to hurt anymore. I should have been able to withstand it, but as I took my clothes and threw them out of the shower I contemplated ever getting out.

"You're worthless,"

The water was hot and streaming down my back as I leaned against the wall, crying. My brother and I had good days. We were close at some point in my life; we loved each other.

"Come watch the game with me," He yelled and I walked from my room to his, giddy that my older brother wanted me to be with him.

"What are they doing?" I asked as two men skating across ice slammed into each other and battled with sticks.

"They're playing hockey," he laughed and pulled me into his lap. "I'll explain everything to you baby sis,"

The good memories wouldn't stay though. It was like burning a piece of me off. It hurt but felt so good to remember that we had been close. I just that they would stay with me and instead of burning away, that they'd burn away the bad memories.

"You're the reason he left!"

The tears burned and my throat constricted for a moment before I cried out with a long breath. "No," I begged my body. "It wasn't my fault, it was my moms."

"I bet her mom's just as big of whore as she is!"

I wasn't being bullied online, no I wasn't. It didn't hurt, no it couldn't. I was stronger than all this pain.

"Avalon," I screamed at the voice calling for me at my door. I wasn't sure why, but the pure shock that ran through me was the only thing that came to mind. I moved back and struggled to contain my breathing and as I moved, I slipped backwards.

My butt fell hard on the linoleum and I screamed again. My body bounced slightly as pan ricocheted up my spine and I began to cry for a new reason. My wrist burned as I tried to help myself back up, but failed dramatically.

"Avalon," Jaxon's head popped into the shower and he stared solely at my eyes as I panicked and hurried to cover myself. "My God, are you okay?" He opened the curtain wide and turned the water off before turning around and grabbing a towel.