My One And Only // {Johnnyboy}

Chapter Seventeen: Bickering

I awoke early the next morning. I was tired out of my mind since I barely got any sleep that night. For a split second, I thought it was a dream, but then I looked to my left and noticed that Sodapop was still nowhere to be seen. 'Just great,' I thought.  I didn't have the strength to get out of bed, so I buried myself deeper into the blankets.  I felt like absolute shit.  My eyes burned from all the tears, I could already tell that I was going to have massive bags under my eyes, and my motivation to do anything was just not there.  I thought that if I stayed in bed for long enough, at least Sodapop wouldn't be home and I could avoid any awkward interactions.

After about an hour of staring at the ceiling, I was too hungry to stay in bed any longer.  I slowly crawled out from under the blankets and started walking quietly down the hall to the kitchen.  As I got closer and closer, I heard something that I never thought in a million years I'd hear: Sodapop and Darry arguing.

"...Well, what'd you expect me to say?  'Oh, Ponyboy, I'm so happy that you're a queer!  Let's go down to the drive-in and celebrate!'  You know it ain't natural, Darry."

"Look, I don't care if it's your definition of 'natural' or not.  And I don't care if you 'agree' with it or not.  You're going to continue to show the boy respect whether you like it or not."

"Well, fine.  I'll show him 'respect,' but only 'cause you told me to.  And just to be clear, if you weren't standing in the way of what's good for him, he'd be hearn' what he needs to hear.  But you can't expect the rest of the gang to like him once they find out."

"You ain't telling no one.  Not unless he tells you ya can."

"Oh yeah?  Well, what if I tell them anyway?"

"Well, for one thing, if the rest of them are even half as stupid as you, then you know they ain't gonna want to talk to the gay boy's brother.  And that ain't even counting what I'll do to ya."

"Who you calling stupid-"

That's when Sodapop noticed me in the doorframe.  He looked like he was about to say something, but I guess he remembered Darry's warning about respect.  So instead, he gave me a cold, hard, glare, grabbed his DX cap, and speed-walked out the door.  I let out a defeated sigh and continued my way into the kitchen.  I didn't bother to say anything to Darry.  I just kept walking. 

Turns out, listening to your brothers argue about whether or not they should be respectful to you actually makes you lose your appetite.  So, I settled on a glass of water and turned to leave again.  That's when Darry stopped me.

"Look, I'm sorry 'bout Soda.  But I'm sure he'll warm up to the idea eventually."  His gaze was soft for once, and he seemed genuinely sorry for me.

"How can you be so sure?  It's like he went from being my brother to my worst nightmare!"  I felt the urge to cry, but it felt like I didn't have any tears left.

Darry was silent for a moment.  I knew I had lost my temper at the one person who was trying to help me instead of harm me.  "God, I'm sorry.  I just...I don't know what to do, really.  I don't know why I told him.  And now I know that he's gonna get to work, Steve's gonna ask him why he's so angry, and he's gonna tell him everything.  And we all know how good Steve is at keeping secrets, so by the end of today, I wouldn't be surprised if the whole town knew."  I paused for a moment and took a deep breath.  "Darry, I think I jus' single-handedly destroyed the gang, all in under twenty-four hours."

"No, no, no, Pone.  Look, if any of this happens, which I don't think it will, then I think it'd be a good thing."

"A good thing- how the hell would that be a good thing?-"

"Well- that's not- what I meant to say is, if they're gonna stop ya from being yourself, if you an' Johnny need to hide whenever you're around them, then you shouldn't have to be around them.  If that's the outcome, which it won't be, then that's how you know that you needa find some new friends."

"Oh, okay."

I went back to my room with my tall glass of water and closed my door.  I couldn't stop my mind from spiralling no matter how hard I tried.  So, I went over to my desk and got out my sketchbook.  About thirty minutes into doodling, I started thinking about Darry.  Why was he standing up for me?  Why didn't he care that I was gay?  I was starting to see him as more of a human than someone who nagged me about everything all the time.  Someone who deep down actually cared about me.  Someone who might actually love me like a brother.  I just couldn't wrap my head around everything.

Before I knew it, Darry was knocking on my door.  I looked outside and realized that it was dark out.  It was time for the rumble.