My One And Only // {Johnnyboy}

Chapter Twenty-One: Sodapop

I didn't get out of bed for a few days after that. Darry tried getting me to tell him what happened, but I wouldn't budge. He gave up on that pretty quickly. I couldn't stop thinking about how I managed to make two different people turn against me in a matter of weeks. And they were the two people I was closest with as well. I would've been able to move on faster if it was someone like Steve or Two-bit. But neither of them were like Steve or Two-bit. It was my brother and my boyfriend. Wait, scratch that, ex-brother and ex-boyfriend.

On day three, Darry finally had enough. He barged into my room and sat on the edge of my bed.

"Ponyboy, I don't know what happened, but you can't just stop living when life ain't on your side."

I turned away from him.

Darry let out a sigh. "This got something to do with Sodapop?"

I shook my head no.

"Johnny?"

I felt the urge to cry, but I didn't have any tears left. Instead, I bit down on my lip and slowly shook my head yes.

"Pone, I know breakups can hurt. I've been there. But it ain't the end of the world. You're fourteen - you still got plenty of life to live. An' there's plenty of fish in tha' sea, even if it don't feel like it. You might not realize it just yet, but you an' Johnny ain't the only two gay people on the planet. Now, can you please jus' try getting outta bed today? I'm heading over to Steve's 'cause I've had enough of Sodapop's bull."

Darry got up and left again. I was left with two things on my mind: how did Darry know Johnny and I broke up, and what was Darry going to do to Sodapop.

I reluctantly got out of bed. Darry was right. I was acting like Johnny died, not that we broke up.  I messed up - I couldn't change that.  I knew I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself and move on with my life.  Learn from my mistakes.  Formerly apologize to Johnny.  Try to make my life normal again.  

Two hours after Darry had left, I was starting to worry.  Sodapop had proven himself as unpredictable, so my mind was running through the worst possible outcomes of what could've happened.  What if they had gotten into a fight?  What if Sodapop told someone about me out of spite?  What if he told someone about Johnny?  

Suddenly, Darry barged through the door with a familiar ex-brother behind him.  They didn't say anything.  Sodapop looked like he was ashamed.  "Good," I thought.  I glared at him and wondered if he had finally gotten what he deserved.  Dickhead.

Sodapop opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but he closed it just as quickly.  I got up and went back into my room, slamming the door behind me.  I didn't want to hear his excuses.  I didn't want to hear his stupid voice.  I didn't want to talk to him.  I didn't want him in my life anymore.  He could've spent the rest of his days at Steve's for all I cared.

I was still a little curious though.  As much as I wanted anything other than to hear Sodapop's sorry excuses, I did want to find out why he was there in the first place.  What did Darry say to finally convince him to come back?  I opened my door a crack and listened.

"Well?  What do you expect me to say?  I can't talk to him, he hates me now!" exclaimed Sodapop.

"I don't blame 'em," mumbled Darry.

Sodapop scoffed.  "What's that s'posed to mean?"  

"Oh, c'mon Soda.  What'd ya think was gonna happen?  That he was gonna forget the last three weeks an' act like nothing happened?"

"Well, no-"

"Ever since you turned on 'em, he's been depressed an' quiet an' he hardly gets out of bed!  Not to mention Johnny broke up with him because he found out that Pony told you an' that you took it bad!  You're ruining the kid's life, Soda!"

Sodapop grew quiet.  He looked at the ground.  "Really?" he mumbled.

"No shit, Soda!  You're his brother!  He used to worship you!  An' because of you, he doesn't have anyone anymore!  Of course he's gonna be depressed!"

Sodapop didn't say anything for a few minutes.  "...What do I do?" he asked.  His voice was cracking and he sniffled a few times.

Darry sighed.  "I... I don't know.  This is your mess.  I'd try to help ya if I could, but I really don't know.  If you're ready to accept responsibility for all this, then you're ready to try an' make up with him.  But if you're not then-"

"I do.  This is my fault.  God, I feel so stupid-"

"You should," I said, coming out from my hiding spot.  Soda whipped his head around.  We locked eyes.  I smiled.  

I couldn't stay mad at him forever.

"Ponyboy, I'm so sorry.  I'm an idiot-"

"Yeah, you are.  But at least you ain't a homophobic idiot anymore."

I ran over and engulfed him in a hug.  I could still hear him sniffling.  I knew he changed.  It wasn't worth holding grudges.

All that mattered was that he wasn't my ex-brother anymore.