My One And Only // {Johnnyboy}

Chapter Twenty: Betrayal

Sodapop's homophobia wasn't getting better, per se. He still avoided me like the plague and moved most of his stuff out of our room.  Against Darry's wishes, might I add.  He pretty much moved in with Steve.  All of his free time was spent over there.  He only came over to drop off a portion of his paycheck as he did before, which honestly surprised me.  I was grateful, but I knew it wasn't because he cared about me.  Darry needed the money to pay the bills, and his two jobs still didn't cover it.  So Sodapop still cared a little bit about Darry, which was weirdly comforting.

At first, it was weird sleeping without Soda by my side and never seeing him in the house. But I got over it pretty quickly after he called me a fag when Darry wasn't paying attention. That stung pretty bad, but I wasn't surprised, if you know what I mean. Darry kept telling me to give him time, and that he'd come around eventually, but I lost hope after week two. I didn't bring up Sodapop when I was at the hospital with Johnny. I didn't think it mattered. Johnny wouldn't be seeing much of him anyway, so I thought it was pointless. Besides, I didn't want to talk about it. Being in Johnny's hospital room was my sanctuary. I didn't need to think about the outside world.

But, all good things must come to an end. After three weeks, Johnny was free to go.  I was nervous, considering how I still hadn't told him about Sodapop's newfound hatred towards the two of us.  Nonetheless, Darry drove up to the hospital in his old, rusty, pickup truck, and we hopped in.

Tention lingered throughout the entire ride.  It felt like Darry knew Sodapop was going to do something stupid when he saw Johnny.  Johnny didn't look like he knew why everyone was so tense, but I could tell he knew it wasn't something to look forward to.  He looked out the window, fidgeting with the edge of his shirt as he breathed so heavily that I could hear him from a few feet away.

We pulled up to the house.  Darry got out first, followed by me, then Johnny.  For the fifth day in a row, the house was empty.  It used to be the place everyone went. Our hangout, in a way. But after the church incident, everything was different. I hadn't seen Steve or Two-bit since the rumble. Dally was back to his old life of committing mildly questionable felonies - he only came by if he was looking for something to do. And with the house being empty all the time, he stopped coming by so often. And of course Sodapop was out of the question. So life at the Curtis residence was dull.

We stepped inside. Darry disappeared into the kitchen while Johnny and I went into mine and Soda's - well, I guess it was just my room.  I flopped onto my bed and Johnny hesitantly followed.

"What happened?" asked Johnny all of a sudden.

"What'd you mean?" I asked, trying to play dumb.

Johnny sighed.  "Oh, c'mon, you know what I mean.  Everyone's acting weird.  An' I haven't seen Steve or Two-bit in weeks."

I picked at a scab on my hand.  I felt my palms get all sweaty.  "Well, I dunno, I haven't seen them either.  Not since the rumble, at least."

"What about Sodapop?"

I stared at the floor as my heart started to beat faster and faster.  "Well..."

"Ponyboy, what happened?"  Johnny was starting to panic.  I could hear it in his voice.

"I told him, alright?  An' before you ask, he took it horribly!" I exclaimed.

"You didn't tell him about..." Johnny's voice trailed off.

My vision went blurry as I recounted the details.  "I'm sorry.  I'm so sorry.  I don't know, it just kinda slipped out, and before I could do anything about it, he was gone-"

"You spilt it about me too?" Johnny shrieked.

"I-"

"Ponyboy, how could you?  I was s'posed to tell him, not you.  An' it was s'posed to be when I was ready.  I thought if anyone would get it, it'd be you!  I thought I could trust you!"

"Johnny, please-"

He got up off my bed.  His eyes were glossy.  "We're done," he mumbled before rushing out the door.

"Johnny, wait-"

But it was too late.  He was gone.

And that's when it sunk in.  I didn't just screw up my life by telling Sodapop.  I screwed over Johnny's life by telling him.  I betrayed his trust.  And I knew I deserved everything I got from it. 

I curled up underneath the covers, crying silently until I fell asleep.