The Death of a Bachelor

Chapter Fifty

Elena was nervous. It didn’t make any sense because she’d been alone with Kieran enough times, and even shared her bed with him a couple of nights ago!

They sat in silence on the garden arbor bench by the pond, with Elena stealing glances at his face every three seconds. She wracked her brain trying to figure out what to say to him, where to start with him.

“Huh-how have you been?”

She felt like slapping her forehead at that blunder of a question.

He’d been in battle and came out with a fractured arm. Obviously.

Kieran cocked his head and looked at her.

“I do not mean it like that,” she said quickly. “I mean, well, you told me previously that you and His Highness had to see the bereaved. Well, you did not tell me, you wrote it to me. In a letter. Which I read. Read many times over because I could not believe it was real. I do not read much, but I read letters. If they are short, that is. Long ones could take me some time. But you knew that already so why say it again?”

Kieran watched her with amusement gleaming in his eyes.

She cleared her throat. “So huh-how did it go? The visits, I mean. How were they?”

A slight frown crossed his face, and he turned his head, looking at the lower gardens. “Most were in mourning. Some were inconsolable, others had heartache but understood the value and contribution of their fallen brethren. Some were resentful; towards me, the Crown and the fact that we had no choice but to fight and shed blood. Others simply did not care. They’d disowned their family members the moment they chose the warrior path.”

He leaned back and sighed. “Grief comes to different people in different ways. And I believe there are different ways of coping as well.”

Elena wore a sad smile. “I can attest to that.”

She felt Kieran’s gaze on her, as if he was awaiting an elaboration. She wasn’t about to tell him all about her little adventures with imaginary Kieran and her special tea. That was a story for another day.

“When they told me you had fallen into comatose, I lost all hope,” she admitted and looked back at him with a frown. “Kieran, no one ever comes out of that. And I could not fathom how Lady Alyssa kept saying you would come back, how she convinced herself that all was not lost.”

A sadness crept into his eyes. “You thought I wouldn’t come back?”

“I thought you would never wake up,” she said truthfully. “For me, there was no future for us anymore.”

Kieran reached for her hand instantly, shifting his body to face her. “I’m so sorry, Elena. I caused you a lot of pain.”

Elena shook her head. “No, it’s fine. I am past that now, because you are here. I should have had more faith in you, and in your promise.”

Kieran kissed her hand. “It was my fault. Everything was my fault. Everything since the day I directed my rage at you.”

“Kieran, stop. Please,” Elena begged. “I forgive you everything. It’s just that…” she bit her bottom lip. “Why didn’t you tell me about Ansel?”

He looked surprised. His lips parted, but no words came out.

“Up until that time, I believed everything was alright with you. You’ve always told me all about your adventures, your family members and your missions. To discover something so deep and hurtful like that made me feel like I do not know you at all.”

Kieran’s jaw tightened and he looked away. “It happened a long time ago.”

“Kieran.” She placed a hand on his cheek and made him face her. “Just like how your happiness is my happiness, your pain is my pain. You once told me that we should be able to talk about anything; that if I had any kind of worries, you’d help me figure them out and we’d get past them, side by side.