Little Shepherd

Chapter 15

Derek holds Josie loosely in his arms as she sleeps soundly. After what he'd learned during their talk he didn't want to part with her when it was time for her to go to bed. He loves her more than words could possibly describe and he wishes more than anything that he could take all the pain away from her, but all he can do now is remind her of how wholely and unconditionally loved she is. He's been laying here wide awake in his bed watching his precious child sleep for who knows how long, his thoughts buzzing around in his head refusing to let him get a second of rest. He thinks about Addison, not just as the woman that broke his heart, but also as the mother of his child, the woman he married. He wonders where she is, why she hasnt called, if mark has just moved into the home they shared and taken his place. He ponders all of these things, but nothing he comes up with explains why she hasn't at least tried to reach out to her daughter. He traces his finger gently across Josie's cheek. He just couldn't fathom  anything that could possibly excuse her absence. Unless she's hurt, he thinks. What if something has happened? Somebody would have called him right? She never signed the divorce papers so legally they're still married. Someone would have had to call. All of this continues to swirl through his mind as the dark minutes drag on. Eventually he becomes to restless to lay there any longer. He carefully slides his arms from around his daughter, moving slowly so that he wouldn't wake her. She begins to stir in her sleep but soon settles right back into her deep slumber. He grabs his cellphone off of his bed side table and leaves the room. He finds his way into the living room flopping into the center of the couch with a deep sigh. He opens up the contacts on his phone and doesn't even have to scroll before he finds the name he's looking for right at the top of the list. His finger hovers over her name, wondering whether or not he should really press the screen. He has so many doubts and questions, maybe one call could solve it all. 'I have to' he thinks to himself. 'you saw how Josie was today, she misses her. Your feelings don't matter. Just call her. Call your child's mother' "Damn it" He grunts, slamming the phone into the couch cushion beside him. He's so angry at Addison for putting him in this position, for putting their family in this position. His anger over rides his fear and anxiety. He wants answers, for himself, for josie. They deserve at least that. He picks his phone back up glaring at the screen as he clicks her name. He holds the phone to his ear, his heart pounding as the phone rings. He holds his breath in anticipation, waiting to hear the line click and her voice on the other end. The phone continues to ring and ring and ring. He flinches when he finally hears her voice.

"Hey! You've reach the voice mail of Addison Shepherd. You know what to do next." He hangs up quickly. As he does he see's the time on the corner of his phone screen. 1:37 am. He rolls his eyes at himself. Of course she didn't answer at this hour. At least he tried he reminds himself, even tho part of him is relieved that she didn't answer. He knows it's selfish and he wants to bring his daughter peace more than anything, he just can't help but dread that first conversation. They haven't spoken since that horrible night in New york, not even once. Meredith drifts into his mind as the exhaustion starts to pull at the edges of his consciousness. Her laugh, her smile, even the way her hair smells. She amazes him in every way possible and even with all of the baggage that he carries he can't help but want more with her. He starts drifting off to sleep right there on the couch thinking about her, about what she said about him just wanting a chase.  Right before he falls asleep completely he decides that he's going to find her in the morning.

"Daddy! Daddy wake up!" Derek jumps out of the deep sleep he was in, falling straight off the couch and onto the floor. Josie laughs hysterically, and suddenly the throbbing pain in his knee is totally worth it. He looks up at her with a smile. "Sowwy daddy, your phone's been going off. I think your late for circles again." She says sweetly. He grabs his phone and sure enough he's got less than ten minutes before he's due at the hospital for rounds.

"Shit" He mumbles under his breath.

"Bad word." Josie says in a scolding tone as she crosses her arms with a pout.

"You're right, I'm sorry kiddo. The two of them rush around like chickens with their heads cut off trying to get ready in time. They once again forgo a hot breakfast and compromised with a ziplog bag full of dry froot loops. They practically jog down the side walk as they make their way to the hospital with Josie quickly apologizing for the both of them as they bump elbows with strangers along the way. Derek hurries her to childcare kissing the top of her head before running to change into his scrubs.

"Late again Shepherd?" Miranda Bailey says, unamused as he passes her in the hallway on his way to his rounds. He doesn't even have time to snip back with something witty. He gets through his rounds which seems to drag on, partially because he's exhausted and partially because all that he can think about is Meredith. He practically squirms out of his shoes during his last post op check up. He see's Meredith storming of down the hall towards the locker room, her shirt covered in vomit. The absolute second that he's done with his patient he heads after her, walking slow enough to make sure he gives her plenty of time to change. He knocks gently on the door to the interns locker room and when no one protests his entry he goes in. His eyes immediately find her, as she's the only other person in the room. She looks to him, a little surprised to see him. She's fully changed and was just about to close her locker.

"Rough day?" He asks jokingly. He gestures to the vomit soaked scrub top with his hand.

"You have no idea." she replies with an exaggerated eye roll.

"Listen..I wanted to talk to you about you said the other day." He pauses for a moment waiting for her to prompt him to continue but when she doesnt he takes a deep breath and continues anyways. "It's not the chase."

"What?"

"You and me. It is not the thrill of the chase. It's not a game. It's..." He sighs taking a few steps closer to her, leaving only a foot between them. "It's your tiny ineffectual fists...and your hair."

"My hair?" She asks with a smile, she tries to hide it but she can't.

"It smells good. And you're very very bossy. Keeps me in line." He looks down at her lips longing for them to be against his, the tension begins to build before he looks back up to her piercing eyes.

"I'm still not going out with you." She replies with a smirk.

"You say that now." his voice sounds confident, but a small part of him aches to be closer to her now. Not even just sexually. He really truly wants to know her, her flaws, her favorite song, the reason she moved here after her intern year had already begun  somewhere else. Everything little thing about her is a mystery and he craves the answers. Even with all of that he accepts the rejection with grace, leaving her to think about it in peace. She'll come around, she will. He tells himself reassuringly.

~Author's Note:

Hey guys! Thank you all so much for being so patient and sticking around for this update. This past year has been absolutely insane, I've been having seizures and other health issues that have taken up so much of my time that's it's been hard to find the time/ motivation to sit down and write. I'm really gonna try to update more often. To show my gratitude to those of you that have stuck around for the story I'm going to follow back some of you that have been commenting and waiting for each new chapter. So if you follow me and have shown your support in some way or another I'll be following you 🥰 thank you all again SO much for all of your kind comments. I'm so glad that you're enjoying the story!