Say You Won't Let Go

4

"Do you have a reservation?" The host had said as we walked up to her. 

"Yes, it is under Mr. Stan. If we could can we get a booth in the corner please?"

"Yes Mr and Mrs. Stan, I'll have that ready for you in 2 minutes." 

"Hmmm, Mr and Mrs. Stan? Sounds-"

"Great Doll, Don't you think?"

"Indeed." I said as I locked both my hands with his and gave him a kiss. 

...

We sat down and was eating and I was kinda pushing my food around because I knew he was gonna bring up what I was about to tell Chris and I was scared that it was gonna change everything. 

"So Sebastian, I kinda was trying to avoid this whole thing that Chris was gonna ask me but I know what we have, if we have something is new but it's just a topic that I know could push you away you know?"

"Hey, hey." He said as he took his index finger to my chin and lifted it up. "Whatever it is, you can tell me and there is definitely an..us. How about I ask you this. Would you Olivia Parker like to be my girlfriend?"

I stared into his shiny blue eyes and in that moment it felt like it was me and him against the world. I could look into his eyes for hours if he'd let me. "I want to- My answer is yes, but, let me tell you first and you can decide if you still wanna date me. Ok?"

"Seem fair, deal."

I hold onto his hands and take one last breath. "I have always loved kids, it was something that was constantly in my thoughts. Even when I was a kid and I would see tons of kids come in and out of my life and the small time I was with them made me want my own kids. So I started teaching because I didn't settle and I didn't want a family without the father being with us."

He began rubbing his thumb on my hand showing he was listening and that made me feel safe.

"So I started teaching 3rd grade at 29 and at 31 I met who I thought was my soulmate, Danny. He was also a teacher and he was the best thing ever.  I um-." At this point I felt tears filling my eyes but I tried and tried to hold it back. Sebastian kept on holding my hands, comforting me and it was the best feeling in the world. 

"I um got pregnant about two years into the relationship and we were so happy. At first, then he got mad and came home drunk. I asked him constantly what was wrong but he never told me. He came home one day drunker then usual if that was even possible.  He then screamed alot. He was saying that he wasn't ready and that he didn't want it with me and that I wouldn't be a good mother. I didn't know why he was saying all this. The smell of him told me otherwise, he was cheating on me. So to this day I believe he was making excuses so I'd end it but that wasn't the end of it. I know it was bad for the baby but I got mad and yelled. At this point I was 5 months pregnant so I know it stressed her out. He got physical." 

At this point I couldn't hold in the tears and they came flooding out. He moved closer to me so that he could hold me tight. 

"He hit me a few times and he was drunk so I thought they were mistakes. He- sorry um. He pushed me and pushed me and didn't know I was next to the steps and I fell. I fell down the stairs and I knew something was wrong instantly. I mean of course because I was 5 months pregnant and fell about 20 stairs but it was this unexplainable pain that I will never not forget that hurt every part of my body. When that happened you know what I did? I told him to leave because he was drunk and It was a mistake. I asked for the phone and called 911 and told them I tripped. I lost her. I already named you know? I was so happy I had already had a name picked out." I said with a smile. 

"What was the name doll?" He said as he cupped my face and made me stare into those eyes that make you feel like home. 

"Annalise, It was one of the first kids that I met who made me want to have kids. She was so happy and friendly and then one day she was gone." Sebastian gave me a big hug while stroking my hair. "Seb? This isn't the end, that wasn't why I thought you wouldn't want to be with me."

"Oh right, go on please."

"So Annalise was gone and when I got home he was back and sober for once and I told him what happened and he apologized so much but not about what happened. He was too drunk to remember. So he was constantly there for me so I let him think I fell. We were ok, he got drunk somedays and hurt me but always forget and acted like nothing happened. I wanted kids so bad that I thought I had to stay.  A year later I got pregnant again and with that did the crazy drinking and abuse come back as well. I had a miscarriage a few months in and found out from that the fall I took it messed something up which resulted in me not being able to have kids. Last night I told you I was on the pill but it was a lie of course since I just can't get pregnant. Anyways, he beat me more finding out that I am not able to have kids at all which confused me since he also got badly abusive when I was pregnant. I took the abuse for a while and finally left him. Thankfully he is in jail now for a long time. I gave up teacher because I just couldn't be around kids all day knowing I'll never have my own. So, that's why I think you might change your mind because I just simply can't have kids and I bet you want a lot and I just can't give that to you. I know I only met you yesterday but it's just something I feel I should tell you because I don't want this to end up being so good and telling you this later on and you hating me and i'm just so sor-"

He cut me off by giving me a big long kiss. He pulled away and stared at me scanning my face and cleaning off the tears that fell down my cheeks. "Olivia, I do want kids, more than anything do I want kids. If that Isn't an option with you there are many other things we can do like adopt ok? I don't you could ever make me hate you. So please Olivia if you would, would you still let me be your boyfriend?"

At this point I had butterflies filling up my stomach and I got closer and attacked him with kisses. 

"I'll take that as a yes?"

"Yes you dork."