Hazelnut - Ryeji

4

"Mom, I'm home." I said in a dull tone as I entered my house.

Our house was small. We moved to Seoul years ago when my dad got a job here. There are only four of us in the family, that's why they decided to live in a small house.

While walking through the living room, a small smile formed on my face. Our house only had one color. White. But it was filled with pictures and memories that brought the house to life.

It was a silent afternoon. I was tired. My back was aching so much and my legs were still shivering because of Yeji. I still can't forget what she said to me. "You're a good person."

Nobody has ever said those words to me. Not even Hyunjin and Heejin. When I heard those words, I felt like the wound on my damaged heart was healed.

As I walk my way to my room, I was busy repeating those words in my mind.

Suddenly, I heard a glass drop to the floor and break into pieces that startled me. I snapped out of my thoughts and I tried to find the direction from where I heard the sound.

"Damn it!" Someone with a deep voice suddenly yelled from a room. I assumed that it was my dad.

The tired look on my face dissolved into a sad look. I walked to my parents' room that is close to my room. I placed my ear on the wooden door.

All I heard was arguing. They're screaming at each other. Both my mom and dad are fueled with anger.

I sighed as this kind of thing is no longer new to me. My family is definitely falling apart. I decided to walk away from my parents' room.

Everyday, this is the only thing I hear. There is no peace or silent in this house. I don't know what they're arguing about. I feel like even if they explain it to me, I still won't understand. Marriage is complicated.

I don't understand why they have to hurt each other. When they argue, it sometimes end up with my mom having a bruise on her face or my dad having a giant wound. I want to talk to them and stop them, but everytime I step in, they yell at me.

As I approached my room, I placed my right hand on the doorknob and I opened the door. I entered my room without hesitation and slammed the door creating a loud sound.

I looked at the ceiling fan above and a small smile formed on my face as the noose I bought is still tied to it. The size of the rope is the same as my neck.

"Should I do it now?" I asked myself.

I have been hiding so much problems. Everyday, the only thing I can think of are my problems. I always pour all of my frustrations on someone.

Tears started to form in my eyes. I grabbed a small chair and I placed it below the ceiling fan.

My heart was aching. It was shattered into pieces. My parents were yelling at each other and objects are being thrown, but it feels like I was stuck in a silent and dark room.

I stood up on the chair without hesitation. I was in so much pain. I was thinking with my heart, not with my mind.

I put the noose on my head. I was struggling to put it on me as I probably miscaculated the size of it. While I was wearing the fibre rope, I started thinking about what people will think when I die.

Others might cry, but others might celebrate. "What will Yuna do when she sees me hanging on the ceiling?" I asked myself while thinking about my sister who is 16, a year younger than me.

"What will my parents do?" I asked myself again.

"It's all your fault!" I yelled as I tightened the noose on my neck. I was already suffocating a little bit.