Promising The Moon - 《Jaywon》

no.6

"Oh...um....I don't know...I was scared " jungwon half lied half truth. Jay hums "I'm sorry for scaring you then " jay said this time looking at jungwon and jungwon only smiles. Jay noticed that jungwon have dimples when he smiles which this made him ten times more cute.

They didn't spoke this time , only enjoying the night , jay looking at the moon , it was so good and the night was pretty,  the moon too . Jay was about to say to jungwon that the moon is pretty but when he looks at where jungwon is , it was empty .

Jay was curious and got up "jungwon....." jay said but no jungwon in sight .'did he leave ....why didn't I notice it.....fuck it ....why did I spaced out watching this moon' jay said to himself, he got mad at himself, jungwon probably felt left out cuz jay wasn't talking and he left , this is what jay thought but it's not that , its something else .

I guess now jay didn't know what to do staying all by himself so he goes back to his room ,climbing the tree, while climbing he hurts his hand cuz he was with a tshirt but he didn't mind , it was a small scratch made by a stick .

He closed the window, taking one last look hoping to see jungwon but he wasn't there .

Laying down on the bed , drifting to sleep .

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Next morning, he woke up, he felt like he couldn't breath .'why is this happening to me ??' Jay thought, he couldn't understand, this feeling , he can't figure it out,  but he wants so bad to feel alive. To let this all behind and feel alive again.

Jay didn't got up from bed , he kept on hugging his knees , swinging himself, he needs comfort, he wants comfort, but here is no one for that so he will be alone , struggling alone .

All day he spent in his bed , doing nothing , spacing out , he even fall asleep , sleeping all day so he woke up at 9 PM, he woke up cuz it was dinner time and he got enough sleep , he couldn't sleep anymore, he was filled with sleep.

"Jay hyung...here's some food ...please eat ...you look pale " niki said ,he felt bad for his hyung. Jay started to get more thin , eating only once a day .

"No need to care for me ....I dont understand how do you still care for me ....I like boys....I'm gay " jay said looking in nikis eyes .

"I dont care...I don't care who you love...its your choice...just know this that I support you and love you hyung ...dont give up " niki said and left the plates leaving,  closing the door .

Jay didn't said nothing, he Hoped that this was true. Eating food , he didn't do nothing now.

Suddenly he felt like crying.  Sad , deep inside his heart , his heart needed someone , the hearts needs someone , jay need comfort, jay needs a hug , he wishes someone could hug him so jay can cry as much as he wants in his shoulder while they tell him that everything will be fine . He wished. He Hope's.

Tears rolling down his cheeks, sitting on the ground, leaning his back in the bed , looking at the time , it was 1 in the morning, he wanted the time to pass fast ,and to be 4 in the morning so he can meet  jungwon.

'Jungwon' jay thought, he didn't notice but the name jungwon made him smile , a person like jungwon made him alive . Thinking about jungwon he felt even more sad but like happy,  sad and happy at the same time, happy that a jungwon exists in his life , sad that he is scared about everything, about meeting jungwon , jay thought that it wasn't a good idea to meet jungwon when jay is in this state .

Thinking and thinking, his mind was going insane , thinking a lot is not good cuz it eats your brain. Jay placed his head in his knees ,hugging himself, he looks at the time , it was already 4 and he immediately got up, he felt happy.

Going in the window and he saw jungwon looking at jay with a smile in his face , showing his cute smile , his dimples, jay smiles back at him and waves , he doesn't know why but seeing jungwon made his life 10 times better and more happy.

He opened the window "I'll come there" jay said and like last night ,he goes down on the yard , hoping that no one is seeing him sneak out at night when he is grounded.

"Hey" jungwon greeted Jay when he saw that jay was on the yard ,face to face.  "Hi" jay said back . Jungwon didn't said nothing this time and walked off, going where they were last night, jay followed him this time .

They sat down on the sand , both bare feet, it was hot ,making their feets with sand because the sea splashed their feets , making jungwon to giggle at it,  jay looking at him  like jungwon was someone special to him.

"Cute" jay said quietly, he didn't meant  to say it out loud, "huh?" Jungwon said back , jay got shy , pink blush in his face , smiling trying to act like he said nothing. Smiling at jungwon.

"Did you said cute or I heard it wrong?" Jungwon asks when he notices that Jay didn't speak and wasn't planning to speak .

'Shit...why did I had to say that ....whyyyyy'  jay thought, jungwon caught him saying sweet word and its their 4th time meeting .

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Thank you.