Promising The Moon - 《Jaywon》

no.8

He was scared , looking at the door , waiting if someone will open his door , but no one did , his body was shaking,  he was nervous, jay noticed that no one was there he finally felt relieved, letting his body relax itself , looking up in his ceiling, gulping, his eyes were with tears .

You have no idea how jay is feeling, every day and every night he is the same but his emotions changes when he meets jungwon.

Jungwon is like a pill for him , a pill that makes you feel better . Without him he is sick .

Slowly , he drifted to sleep , sleeping all the problems. He was tired of them . But he was happy that jungwon didn't hate him when he told him that he was gay .....he was happy about it and happy that jungwon is pan too.

'He's cute' jay thought and closed his eyes , finally falling asleep.

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I dont need to say it again,  like always he woke up the next day , didn't mind wearing new clothes, he didn't even got up from the bed , to lazy to do that.

"Ughhhh....I want to meet him so badddd" jay said to himself, if jungwon was here he would love to show him his room and his favorite things but to bad . If james will find out he will kill both of them or maybe hurt jungwon which jay wont even allow that to happen.

While staying doing nothing , someone came in his room. Jay looks and his heart beats stops,  it was his dad ,standing looking at jay with poker face .

Jay got up and bows at him, he just was a scared boy , he didn't want his dad to hurt him , he is already hurt inside.

"Jongseong " Jay's dad said sending chills down Jay's spine , james voice was traumatic for jay .

"Yes dad" jay said,  looking down ,to scared to look up , scared to look in his eyes.  James walks in closing the door . Jay gulps this time . His hands starts to shake and he couldn't stop them. He Hope's his dad wont notice it.

James sat down in Jay's chair and spins the chair looking at Jay "sit down " he said and jay did , he sat down in his bed .

"Soo....how have u been doing?" James asks . Jay still looking down "nothing " jay replied shortly, he didn't want to talk with his dad . It's like a force talk .

"LOOK AT ME" his dad yelled and Jay immediately looked up . His breath shaking , he couldn't speak , his dad is his fear .

"When you talk with me , you will look at me...understand!" James said and jay nods really fast . "I Understand " jay said , this time looking at him .

"Good" his dad said and now it was silence, jay didn't dare to speak first or without his dads permission. It's a rule he thinks .

"So jongseong....do u still like boys?" Jay's dad says, the word boys with a disgust in his face . Jay didn't said nothing, ofcourse he still likes boys .

"I spoke didn't I?...now speak " james said .

Jay was to scared to speak,  he knows his dad will get mad at him if he told him the truth . So he kept quiet.

"I SAID SPEAK " james said and got up approaching his son , grabbing him by his collar.

"..y...yes" jay said , he didn't want to but he couldn't breath. His dad got so angry at him "you fucking bitch " he said and punched jay hard in his face making jay to lay on the bed , holding his cheek , crying . He was crying.

James was yelling a lot , made his wife to come there and some of maids."what is happening?" Jay's mom said and stoped james from hurting jay more.

"Stop it james ...." Jay's mom said . He stops, he beats jay enough. Jay's nose was bleeding, he held it to stop from bleeding , but the blood dripped from his hands , making his hands with blood .

Niki run to Jay , Jay's mom told some of maids to take james outside and she left with them,  niki stayed there .

"Jay hyung...are you okay?" Niki asks , trying to help jay but Jay stops him .

"Its okay....don't worry " jay said , his room was quiet now.

"But....you're bleeding-" niki spoke but jay stops him ."I SAID IM FINE ....LEAVE PLEASE " jay yelled this time , he didn't meant to but he didn't know what to do.

Niki flinched by Jay's yell and bows and left closing the door.

Jay was alone now, sitting on the ground, silently crying, tears rolling down slowly , he did had no tears , the tears were slowly disappearing. He have been crying a lot,  his eyes are dry .

He wipes his nose with his hand , blood in his hand . "Its my fault....its my fault for liking boys " jay said to himself and slapped himself really hard , making his own cheek red .

"God....please ...I need help....please "jay said,  he didn't know what was he speaking himself.

He got up after crying and felt enough from crying, going to his desk and opened the drawer next to it . He took out some band aids and something else like cotton.

Slowly, he wipes his nose , no more nose bleeds , from his lips was coming blood so he wipes the blood with the cotton and put a band aid there , the cheek next to his mouth was dark with a bruise.

Jay looks at himself in the mirror , he hates himself but he couldn't do nothing about it....commiting suicide....he loves his soul to do that ....his souls hurts only by thinking of it .

He saw the time  and he falls asleep , couldn't wait to wake up so he can meet jungwon, his life saver .

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Thank you.