Good Omens One Shots

Famine

Trigger Warnings: WWl, WWll, Famine, Toxic Modelling Gigs

Famine. He came before War, but after he met her, he followed in her footsteps. There was lots of hunger in the early days, when God has just cursed the humans with winter, something that Famine loved. The humans didn't understand how to get food during the winter yet and so Famines jobs was pleasurable, but busy. He was, of course, not the first of the four, seeing as Death was always there. Death was the only other consistent entity besides God.

Austria-Hungary, 1914

"Famine?"

"Yes?"

"What exactly are we doing here?" They were standing in the middle of an empty field in broad daylight, Famines arm snaked around Wars waist. "Well, you are going to start a war. We've been commanded to."

"How do you know?"

"I can feel it. I don't know how...I just do."

"I have that feeling too. I wasn't sure what it meant though." She flashed a smile at Famine, charming him. Her bare honesty was a quality she wasn't sure she liked in herself. Famine smiled back at her in an all-worshipping way. "This is supposed to be a big one," he started, "a war between multiple countries instead of just two."

"Oh?" War said, her voice hitching at the top making her sound more sassy, "well that makes this all the more fun, darling. You should have told me that before."

"I was to think that you perhaps already knew."

"Well I still like it when you tell me things," War said smugly. She had learned that it wasn't just the human men who fancied her. Famine seemed quite charmed. War loved it. Famine looked at her and winked. "Well, shall we start then?" Asked War.

"aOf course." He stuck out his hand and they walked together, a gunshot went off somewhere, and fighting started. War broke out all over the world, and people went hungry.

Auschwitz, 1941

Famine, for once, wasn't thrilled with people starving to death. He thought it was all wrong, the way that people were starving. He thrived in long cold winters where crops refused to grow, in times of war when all the farmers were drafted and there was no one to grow plants, in the wonderful dryness of droughts that failed to give people the substance they need to live. He never wanted people to die like this, out of their own spite, pick and choosing what people got to starve and why. Leave it to the human race to starve people that were different. So Famine mourned. For the first time he could ever remember, he mourned the deaths of those who were starved. It's not to say that he wasn't doing his job, of course he was. He loved seeing ribs through humans weak flesh. So he stole food from Nazis every chance he got, feeding it quietly to camp prisoners, making sure they never got caught. Feeding the people who needed food, and slowly starving the Nazis one by one. He actually killed a few, not that anyone noticed. His hard work went unnoticed through the entire war. He remembers of course, while everyone else forgets.

Burger King, 2008

MEALS™️ had been a success. He had been thinking about trying something new, something like...CHOW™️. Food with no real food. The humans would go crazy for it. So he worked on CHOW™️ and tested it without making it public, giving it to modelling agencies with models that didn't know they didn't have to be skinny to be beautiful. He watched as they ate more and more CHOW™️ because what do you do when you are hungry but cannot gain weight? They could eat as much as they ever wanted, midnight snacks and all, and never gain a single pound. Famine watched as they rocked low-rise skinny jeans that showed how skinny they were. He watched as the public shamed them for having an organ, oh how little the public knew. They starved themselves to death, and when they did no one noticed. The next girl with a high ponytail and crop top would show up, and no one would notice that the person they saw everyday on the cover of magazines was gone. They weren't actors after all. Just pretty faces. He loved new trends as they started to come in, because girls still needed to be skinny, but now they needed big butts too. That was something almost in possible to get, except there was implants. That's when Famine met Pollution.