I have made and discard love in a thousand words, in theories that burn my eyelashes just to answer a simple question, what is love?
I could say that love once knew him but then I rethink and say that I never knew him
I have been with different women that you can say I cared about but I did not get to love them in the way I should and I know for sure that they did not love me either.
It was until I met Riley Davis that something in me felt different and strange, I don't understand what it was and the question in my head became clear, is it that what I feel is love
For years I tried to know what that feeling was but I always told myself that it was only a feeling of friends or familiarity but I knew perfectly well that it was not.
Until very late I realized that I fell in love with her but I preferred not to say anything so as not to risk everything I had with her for an absurd feeling
When I was with Desi I believed that I would finally know for sure what love is, but as much as I came to appreciate it, I knew well that what was between us was not love.
After everything that happened in the hyperbaric chamber, she and I ended everything between us and I still didn't get an answer to my question, what is love?
But I thought I might find out weeks later when Bozer helped me have the courage to ask Riley out on a date.
She was something that I could not explain in words but I knew something and it was that if someone could help me know what love is, it was Riley, she was the one who brought me to life, the most important person for me, she means everything, she is's my whole world
She felt like a déjà vu when I stopped right in front of the door of her apartment the difference was that this time she would not let my opportunity to tell her what I felt go away
I know that her feelings did not go away, I know that I am in love with her, I know that we can open that door and give ourselves the opportunity we deserve, so without hesitation I knocked on the door
But when the door opens, I feel if someone will take my heart and squeeze it with great force inside my chest.
It wasn't Riley who opened the door for me, it was a man I definitely don't know, he wasn't wearing a shirt and he was a bit misaligned
Then I misunderstood everything, her feelings if they left, now she is with another person, I am still in love with her but obviously she no longer felt the same and moved on, she could no longer open that door, there are no more opportunities for us
Maybe there never were
"I can help?" asked the man in front of me, pulling me out of my thoughts
"I wanted to talk to Riley" I said a little low
The guy smiled with amusement that made me feel hurt, his eyes fixed on me as he leaned casually against the door.
"She ..... She is a little busy at the moment" said the
I could definitely hear the sound of my heartbreaking heavy inside my chest but even though I wanted to scream and cry in pain I forced myself to smile to keep my composure
"I understand, I will talk to her at another time" I said with a trembling voice
The guy just nodded and closed the door in my face, I held back the urge to cry and just turned around to leave.
My mind was full of thoughts and I always returned to my initial question, what is love? No one ever dares to doubt him, but here I am questioning his judgment
It was then the answers came to me, I know what love is, love is loving someone regardless of whether it is reciprocal or not, she also loved me and I could never realize it
She had loved me and sacrificed her heart and her happiness as long as I was happy, she did not care if seeing me and Desi was the worst for her and now I will be the one who will keep quiet while she is happy with someone
But it's okay, because she deserves to be happy, she deserves to erase all the pain that she made her suffer, I don't care if now the one who suffers is me
It was night and the streets were empty, I only heard the slight sound of some insects around me, but then right behind me I heard a few steps
I turned around to see who she was and she was nothing more and nothing less than the woman I am completely in love with.
When she was close enough I could see that in her eyes there was a small and beautiful glow, her expression was determined and confident
What is love?
I still don't know the answer completely, but I know one thing
What is between her and me is love, it does not matter if it is love of friends
Having her love is enough for me
