Before We Bond ✓

c19: crumbling

❝A sky full
of stars,
and he
was staring
at her.❞

19

CRUMBLING
崩れ

. . .

Noah never left my side.

I fell sick to my bones, so I took a week off from work as the doctor advised. Blake did listen and didn't come back or try to meet me as I asked him, implying to me he was still in the process of finding a solution.

Or maybe he dropped it...

I had to stop thinking of him. He only made me feel worse, but God knew what happened was harder than I could naturally take. Even though Noah stayed on my side and even escorted me to the toilet when I was a lifeless skeleton, there were times I wailed as though I lost a loved one.

Because I was genuinely losing myself.

I was starting to think selfishly. What if I could make him leave Emily for me? Was it selfish to stay with those you mutually want? Why could I never love and be loved and happy?

In some instances, it felt as if I wasn't the same Cassandra while having those thoughts. Cassandra was not a cheater, selfish or having her happiness depend on someone.

You're desperate, I thought sometimes.

When I felt myself get better, I reminisced the time I told myself I had to leave him. I had to leave him for my dignity and poor Emily's sanity. So, I mustered my strength and went to his place, the place where we first kissed and thought we would ever be something together...

I had texted him about my visit prior. Although he never texted me to know why I wasn't going to work, I told him I had been sick and finally felt better to have the chance to tell him my thoughts.

I rang the doorbell and sighed. There went nothing. There went my pride and dignity to the ground.

He opened the door but didn't make eye contact. "Hey. Come in."

I stepped in, my thoughts louder than my words.

"Do you want something to drink?" he asked.

"Water," I mumbled. Because God, I needed a lot of it for the words to slide.

He gave me the glass, and I chugged it at once. It was so awkwardly silent that when I put the glass down, it was louder than I expected.

"I know this sounds ridiculous because we were never together anyway, but I'm leaving you."

"Cassandra, we were-"

"Lemme continue!" I interrupted. "I'm leaving you because you don't deserve me, and neither I nor Emily deserve to go through this emotional chaos. While you claim it's hard to abandon those you care for, I'll be doing this for my goddamn dignity.

"And because I'm not a cheater and don't ever plan to be. If you like the label, stay in it alone."

Blake could only nod. "I understand. I'm sorry for what I put you through. It was not my intention to hurt anyone."

"Doesn't matter. In this situation, someone is going to hurt, and you chose it to be me. I choose to leave it willingly, however."

"That's not true, but I don't have enough to convince you otherwise, Cassandra."

Although it tugged on my heart to leave like that, I shrugged and got up. I had to stand up for myself. "Well then... that's all I have to say. There's nothing left between us now. Wasn't so great to know you, Blake. Goodbye-"

My words were cut off midway when the doorbell resonated in the flat. Blake looked through the intercom then looked back at me in panic.

"Emily," he mouthed, soundless.

"Fuck," my pupils widened, and I cursed under my breath.

He walked up to me and ushered me inside his room without asking anything. "Please, stay there until I say otherwise. Please," he pleaded.

"Are you crazy? Is there no chance you two could end up... here?"

He cringed. "I will not let it happen."

I glared. "Fuck you. This is all your fault."

He didn't say a word, rather closed the door and told me to lock it from the inside in case anything happened.

Blake went to tend to his guest, his girlfriend, while I pathetically stayed in his bedroom. The flat was tiny, so the bedroom door immediately led to the living room, and I could hear everything they said, including the moment she smooched his lips as though she knew I could hear it.

"Ran an errand around then thought I could surprise you with some lunch," she said.

He sure liked her surprises.

I could hear the clanking of utensils while they talked. The limit of joblessness Blake put me in to hear all these details from their time together and the sounds of their pecks were all driving me crazy. I hated Blake more and more by the second for making me go through that. It was all his fault.

The sun was setting down, yet I couldn't light up the room or else she would sense someone in that room. I stayed alone in the dark. Although I couldn't see the guy, I could sense the anxiety in his tone. He stuttered, got tongue-tied and mostly took a long time to talk back. Was he afraid of losing Emily, since he already lost me, or he merely wanted to keep his good-guy image? I could never know.

A few moments went by without me hearing anything, then followed by heavy breaths and loud kisses. My anxiety increased with the possibility of them coming to where I was, and so did my jealousy. I was tensing and picking on the carpet under me. That guy Emily was all over was kissing me too a few days ago, and it felt like the rightest thing to do.

I so wanted to open the door and flee out of that hell-like place then call Noah to come to pick me up and stay with me. I felt as if I was suffocating although I had a window with a beautiful view even, but that was what cheating did to my sanity. It made me feel like a monster.

I teared and wept soundlessly in the dark like I did at Emily's. I was by the door again, the closest to the couple whose voices were then foggy, with my knuckle wounds threatening to bleed again from how tight I tensed.

I was awoken from my panic when I heard his flat door open and reclose. I knew then Emily had just left, and Blake was seconds away from reuniting with me.

I wondered if he had the guts to see me again.

. . .

I'd like to hear your thoughts! do you guys think it would end here? what do you expect for the upcoming chapters?

i feel so sorry for Cass. she doesn't deserve going thru that 😣

also, do you guys want a blake pov?

vote to make this person happy 🥺 jk, only if you genuinely enjoy the story :) sometimes when the reads go up without votes, I'm worried someone didn't like the story haha.

also, how's covid so far where you live? stay safe and healthy xx