Before We Bond ✓

c27: reminiscing

❝I would rather
have a body full of scars
and a head full of memories
than a life of regrets
and perfect skin.❞

27

REMINICISING
思い出す

. . .

“I can’t take this anymore, Noah.”

Noah exhaled a loud breath in a way that told me he was tired of the topic. He proceeded with stirring his morning coffee lazily. He yawned, passing his fingers over his face then through his bed hair.

“And what do I do about that?” he asked uninterestedly. “You’re coming here early on a Saturday morning for this? I mean, I don’t mind you coming over, but I have better things to fill my morning with, sweetie. And I prefer if you came for me.”

He was right, but to who would I tell these things if not to my best friend?

I took in a deep breath. “Noah, I didn’t sleep all night.” Around my eyes was blackening, and my face looked dull. I probably looked at least ten years older than my age.

“You’re consuming yourself, Cassandra. You’re getting yourself obsessed over him when he doesn’t even deserve a strand of your hair. Why are you all over someone like him when you can have a thousand men swooning over you and could treat you better? You’re a literal goddess in all aspects.”

I blushed. I found myself at a loss for words. I didn’t appreciate him glorifying me to convince me to hold back from Blake. If he didn’t mean it, he shouldn’t have said it. He threw the stirring spoon to the sink roughly. I flinched at the piercing sound of the stainless steel.

“He isn’t the best or last man in the world! I’m seriously trying to understand you here, but honestly, if it doesn’t work, you shouldn’t give a fuck. I don’t want you to be self-destructive.”

I found some truth in his words, which I refused to consider. It wasn’t only about what he thought. I truly liked Blake, and I confessed it. While he said he liked me too, Emily stood as an obstacle on our way only, and Noah could remove that obstacle. We could all be happy if my best friend listened.

“I think I love him…” I whispered, surprisingly with a bit of shame.

He put a pan over the stove, again with a loud, angry thud. “Do you even recognise love anymore?!” he fired with knitted eyebrows, glaring at me like an angry father reprimanding his daughter.

Ouch.

I ignored his statement and suggested, “Why don’t you tell her Blake cheated now?”

He sighed, cooling himself down. “Are you sure about this? It might be risky if not done at the right time. She’s still so close to Blake and you. Don’t get that close to the fire.”

He was right, but I didn’t admit it. I stayed silent, digging in the breakfast he offered me. The food wasn’t too tasteful in my mouth. All I could think of was how to extinguish my jealousy towards Blake. I wondered when would the time I finally have him all for myself come.

His features softened as he sat down with me. “Relax, Cassandra. Get it off your head for at least a day, please,” he advised with a sigh.

I nodded, taking a tiny bite of the pancakes. “Okay…”

For some time, yeah, I should take a break from all of that mess and relax. I didn’t want my life to revolve around revenge or a man, but it was slowly and unknowingly becoming like that. Maybe I should take a break and get my shit together. While I was at Noah’s, I could at least loosen up and have an enjoyable time.

I finished my food and walked over to the sink to drop the plate there. I sighed exasperatedly, then I felt the man’s presence behind me and saw his hand drop his plate in too.

His arms wrapped my petite body from behind. “Cassandra, I miss you before he entered your life. He is consuming you.” He squeezed me even harder. “You’re one of the few who understand me, but you’re starting to feel far.”

His word hurt me, but I felt as if I deserved them. Our friendship was valuable, but if we weren’t to water it with trust and commitment, it would wither. I didn’t want to feel far as he said. Noah was dearer to me than anyone else, and I valued friendships over any other type of relationship at any time.

My hands rested over his forearms. I turned around and fully hugged him. “Don’t worry. I’m always here by your side. I’m sorry,” I reminded him.

We chilled together for the rest of the day. We played video games and ordered pizza for lunch —a usual friend gathering like in the old days. People might hate routine, but that day, it was a lifesaver from stress. When I came to his place to tell him my worries, I didn’t expect I’d stay till late at night and ignore Blake’s calls and texts.

It left me pondering how I could forget about the guy easily, like when Emily moved in with him, and he ignored my texts all day too. Was that valid while we claimed we truly wanted each other and each other only?

Noah and I ended the night by watching a movie he wanted to watch with me for a while. A kiss scene came in, making him giggle behind me, who sprawled himself on the couch while I leant on it as I sat on the floor.

“You sound like a weirdo laughing over a kiss scene,” I pointed out.

“I was your first kiss, remember?”

What on Earth brought that up again? My cheeks heated up. I threw popcorn at him. “Shut up! Why are you proud of it? It was like, seventeen years ago. We were only five, and it happened by mistake —it doesn’t even count. You punk.”

Noah chuckled. “It’s still a lip-lock.” He wiggled his eyebrows. “We kissed, Cassandra.”

“You make this sound dirtier than it should for five-year-olds.”

I stuck my tongue out for him, although the memory did tickle my heart and made it dance. That night, I realised how much I missed spending time with my witty best friend.

“And… to ease your anxiety, I promise you tomorrow my plan to help you will start. You’ll see, Cass.”

. . .

ending in 3 chapters :)))

expectations?

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