If We Found Heaven ✓

forty-six ✩

For the past few days, all Cass had done was sleep and eat and sleep some more. Thoughts of the future had hit her full on in the face, and she was fairly sure they had at least broken her nose, if not shattered her jaw. The future loomed, full of uncertainty, at the end of this summer. And though Cass had plans, for the first time in her life, she did not have full confidence in them.

She had passed Mrs. Graham in the hallways of the house a few times as she went downstairs to eat. As per usual, Mrs. Graham had ignored Cass, acting as though her daughter was nothing less than a ghost that she couldn't see. The frustration had mounted, though Cass hadn't used to care much. Because if she was not being seen, then who she was wasn't being seen. It was a reality check, much like the story in the news, that reminded Cass that there would always be people who hated her for who she was. Cass didn't much like herself, but that had little to do with her sexuality.

Perhaps that was part of Cass's sadness. Perhaps she needed to find a sense of self-worth. Perhaps that was why love was constantly evading her, why people were always leaving, why Cass was so determined to go before they went. Perhaps Cass had problems opening up. After all, if Cass couldn't love herself, how could she hope that anybody else would? But the way that Sullivan looked at her gave her the faintest flickers of it.

Hope. Hope was a magical thing. It had the ability to spark revolutions, to change mindsets, to solve the unsolvable. It was as rare as the finest of roses, yet somehow it wormed its way into your life like weeds through the cracks in pavement. Hope was a magical thing. And it was a horrible thing to watch hope shatter. Cass had watched it happen plenty of times - in Art, in Sullivan, in herself. She had prayed never to see it happen to Reid. But Cass didn't believe in God, so perhaps he had turned his back on her. Everyone breaks sometime, Cass figured. And when she got the call from Art summoning The Angels to his house because he had big news for them, she knew who would be left in pieces.

Art clapped his hands together with all the energy of a businessman walking into a company meeting. "It's good to see you all," he said. There were dark circles under his eyes, Cass remarked internally.

"What's the big news?" Sullivan asked curiously. There was a plastic smoothie cup in her hand, and she took a sip from the straw periodically.

Reid looked wary, his expression mirroring the way Cass felt inside. "Yeah, Art, tell us," Cass said, making an attempt to sound excited. She was happy for him, but she wasn't happy that he'd be gone. Despite encouraging him to pursue his dreams and to do what made him smile, Cass would miss him desperately.

"I'm officially moving to New York!" Art announced, confirming Cass's suspicions.

"Officially?" Reid echoed.

"I signed the lease on a brownstone just yesterday," Art replied, barely glancing at Reid. "It's for a year."

"A year," Reid repeated softly. He sounded numb.

Art didn't seem to notice. He smiled a genuine smile. "I'm thrilled."

"And we're thrilled for you," Sullivan said enthusiastically, throwing her arms around him.

Cass hugged him tightly from the other side. Reid stood, awkward as ever, a foot or so away. "You're going to have the best time in New York, I just know it," Cass said.

"Congrats," Reid said lamely.

"Thanks," Art replied, voice quiet. Cass glanced between them. They were frozen, staring at each other, eyes wide and stanses defensive. "How's Bennett?" Art asked. Cass blinked, surprised.

"Same old," Reid answered. "You know, now that I think about it, he's probably waiting for me. I should go."

It was a terrible excuse, but Art didn't seem to care. He shrugged. "See you."