If We Found Heaven ✓

forty-seven ♫

As Cass walked away, the thought crossed July's mind that July just couldn't do it. She just couldn't do it anymore. She couldn't deal with the volatility, nor the hurt. She couldn't deal with the brokenness. And perhaps that was wrong, but that was the way she felt. And it wasn't fair to Cass to let her hope that July could manage it all.

July was a happy person, but only when those around her were happy. Presently, she felt very, very sad. Art was standing beside her, motionless and stunned, and she knew that his thoughts were likely the same as her own.

"I can't do it," she said quietly.

"Do what?" Art asked.

"I love her to death, but I can't love her like this anymore," July said. "I thought the wanting would destroy me, but in the end it's going to be her. She's going to destroy herself and me with her." She paused, then said, "I should go after her."

"You should," Art agreed, turning to go back into the house, "but you won't."

"Why not?" July asked, still standing on the lawn as Art reached the front door. "Why won't I?"

"Because life is less about love for others and more about respect for yourself," Art answered. "Because you have been going after her for a long time." And he was right. So she followed him inside. They sat down at the kitchen table, and Art took down a jar of cookies. "Have a cookie," Art said. "Chocolate lessens the blow of realizing that you're falling out of love with someone."

"I'm not falling out of love with her," July replied. "I'm taking a step away in the hopes that she can learn to love herself." Art nodded, chewing on a cookie. "I think I'll always love her the way I do now."

"She sure as hell doesn't make it easy," Art sighed. "I wish she'd fight with us a little less."

"I wish she didn't hurt so much inside," July said.

"I wish everything was the way it was before summer started," Art replied. "I wish it was the three of us."

"You were heartbroken over Rex at the start of the summer," July pointed out.

"Now I'm heartbroken over Reid," Art countered with a funny little smile. "At least with Rex, I could tell myself that I was crazy to miss him. Reid is..."

July nodded in quiet understanding. "He's worth missing," she said simply.

"Yeah," Art replied. "He is."

"I want to call things off with Cass soon," July said after a beat. "I've wanted to since I finalized my audition time with that band." She fiddled with a bracelet on her wrist. "But if Reid went all crazy after you ended things with him, what the hell is Cass going to do?"

"Cass is not your responsibility," Art said firmly. "It isn't your job to make her happy all the time."

"She's my best friend," July replied. "It's my job to keep her safe."

Art shook his head. "No. Her decisions are hers to make."

"She makes bad decisions without our help," July blurted. "I'm so worried for her all the time. She's always so sad. I wish I could fix things for her."

"You don't always have to fix people," Art said, tapping July on the arm. "I know you feel like you do, but you don't. Call things off if you want to call them off."

"But don't I owe her a little more than that?" July asked. "She's crazy and she's unpredictable and she's horrible and mean sometimes, but she's Cass. Our Cass. I can't just... cast her aside."

Art held her gaze steadily. "If being with her doesn't make you happy, then you need to do it for your own good."

"I'm happy with her when she's at her best," July protested. "I'm happy with her when she's happy."