Sincerity - Criminal Minds || Spencer Reid Fanfiction

36. Vow

"You are never dedicated to something you have complete confidence in. No one is fanatically shouting that the sun is going to rise tomorrow. They know it's going to rise tomorrow. When people are fanatically dedicated to political or religious faiths or any other kinds of dogmas or goals, it's always because these dogmas or goals are in doubt." ― Robert M. Pirsig

The Fighter

It'd been a month since the attack at the White House.

Spencer and I had spent a few weeks at home with my dad and Beth and Jack, looking at apartments and houses, trying to figure out where our next home was going to be.

For the first week after we'd returned to the States, Tilly was pretty sad, and spent most of her time naming her dollies after Jason and Darren and getting confused when we tried to explain why we weren't working and why our work friends weren't around as often.

We'd all started therapy - of varying degrees, and were trying to move on with our lives.

It might've been only a matter of weeks, but we were trying to take steps in the right direction.

Lawyers and attorneys had been constantly visiting and calling, arranging compensation and praise and awards for our efforts.

We knew that within a year's time, none of us would ever need to work again, not with the financial income that was being flung our way.

We knew that after Emily's funeral, Garcia and Becky were heading on vacation for a couple of weeks to get away from it all. Morgan and his family were heading to the other side of the states to be with Savannah's family, and Carter was heading back to New York to spend time with her wife.

Everyone had dispersed and we were all trying to recoup.

But that was definitely easier said than done.

After starting the therapy, the night-terrors started, and I found myself waking up in cold-sweats, triggering panic attacks and causing me to spend the rest of the night outside, smoking.

Spencer wasn't much better, and after a while, we had to make a decision.

"We can't keep going on like this, Spence," I sighed one night, puffing my smoke into the cold, black night air.

"It's working," I nodded. "But it's also destroying us... We've got to do something."

"I agree, Melly, but what do you suggest? We can't just up and leave. We can't run from this."

I nodded and stubbed the cigarette butt on the ash-tray.

"I don't know," I sighed. "But something has to change."

And so the next morning, after driving Tilly to school, I drove to Quantico, my heart thudding in my chest.

This time I was nervous on approach to the building, and found myself craning my head back to look at the intimidating structure.

The building I'd fought tooth and nail to get into, and then fought tooth and nail to escape from.

I didn't quite know what I was doing here, just that I needed closure of some sort.

With a deep breath and a shake of my head, I continued inside the building, the sound of my heels on the marble the only familiarity as I peered at the changes.

The foyer had been completely remodelled, and I was surprised to see that their 'revamp' of the bureau also meant an aesthetic change, too.

I crossed to the new reception desk, completely opposite from where it used to be.