Close | A Spencer Reid Story

4. Afraid

Spencer's  POV

I switched off the car's ignition outside JJ's house.

We had driven the twenty minutes back in complete silence. Every time I had glanced at JJ, she had her eyes fixed outside the window.

"Thanks," she muttered, swinging open the door.

"Wait." I reached out for JJ's arm.

I pulled her back from the car door.

"I need to go Spence." JJ didn't meet my eyes.

"I know. I... I just need some clarity."

JJ tucked her hair behind her ear. "Clarity? About what? Look I don't have time for this?" She huffed.

"JJ." I grabbed her wrist before she could leave.

"What do you want from me Spence?" She was obviously agitated.

My grip on her wrist loosened. "Nothing... just you."

Behind my car, dipped lights shone causing JJ to pull back from me. I glanced in the rear-view mirror and spotted Will, unbuckling Michael's seat belt and ushering Henry out of the car.

"Go home Spence." JJ climbed out, leaving me to watch her walk away.

Reluctantly, I drove back to my apartment.

I was used to being alone, but the silence was suffocating tonight. I chucked my keys onto the counter, only to backtrack and place them in their designated place.

Peering into my room, I abandoned the idea of sleeping alone on the bed, the cold air enveloping me. Instead, I chose to flop down onto the couch. My eyes swirled over the patterns in the ceiling. I hoped the hypnotic trance would lull me to sleep. That was wishful thinking. After what felt like an eternity, I let my neck give way and snap to the side, giving me access to see the time.

It was 2:03. That was it. I was sure that I had been lying here longer than that.

Struggling, I fished my phone out of my trouser pocket. It was firmly wedged between my leg and the couch cushions.

Retrieving it, I navigated to my recently called list and clicked on the name at the top.

JJ.

I patiently waited as the call rang through, only to be greeted by the service provider.

I puffed my cheeks and dialled once more.

This time the call decline almost immediately. My suspicions were accurate. JJ had seen my call and chose not to answer it. The second time, she just cut it off instantly.

Was this her answer?

Was this her way of telling me that she didn't think me and her would work?

I didn't want to believe it. I never had. I didn't ever want to even remotely acknowledge that me and JJ might be better off as friends.

But now. If JJ was the one closing the door. I would have to accept it.

Maybe I needed another sign. I needed to run a little test of my own.

Scrolling further down the list, I tapped on Y/N's number, letting the call dial through.

I was going to give up after the fourth ring, but the call never made it to the fifth.

"Hello?" Y/N voice was soft, as if she were unsure, she was awake. It was barely there. So quiet. So mellow. So unlike Y/N. "Spencer?" She repeated. I could hear the fatigue that coddled her voice. I had spent so long analysing her voice that I hadn't noticed that I had not said a word and we were over a minute into the call.

"I'm sorry. Did I wake you?"

"It's okay." I could hear rustling in the background. The sound of sheets shifting and light padding on the floor. "Is everything alright? Why are you still awake?"

"Couldn't sleep."

"What's keeping you up?" She implored. Her tone was brighter now, more awake, but still lighter than normal. I was used to her upbeat, larger than life greetings. Tonight, she was somewhat subdued.

I ignored her question. The truth would only hurt her. "Why did you answer?"

"Huh?" The distant sound of water running from a tap abruptly cut off.

"Why did you answer my call if you were sleeping?" JJ was awake and she didn't answer. What made Y/N answer?

"Is this a trick question?" I could imagine her mouth turning upwards, but her lips pressing together, while her eyebrows furrowed.

"No."

After a short pause I heard Y/N's breath change. "Because you called. Why wouldn't I answer?"

"Were you afraid?" My line of questioning was probably giving her whiplash.

"Afraid? Afraid of what?" She giggled.

I click my tongue. "I'm afraid," I mumbled.

"Spencer?" Her strain and concern was evident.

"Don't worry Y/N." I sat up resting my head in one of my hands. "I'm fine. I'm fine."

"Maybe now I'm afraid," she whispered.

Taking a big deep breath, I swoop my hair out of my face. "I shouldn't have disturbed you."

"Spencer... What's bothering you?" Not only had a waved off my own sleep, but now I was sure that Y/N would be riddled with insomnia too.

"... My mind." I could sense Y/N's brain ticking over through the phone. I didn't let her get her words out. "You're probably tired Y/N. Get some sleep."

I end the call before she could stop me, collapsing back onto the couch. I knew that I had stupidly just afforded Y/N a sleepless night.

I half expected Y/N to call me back, but she respected my decision, simply sending me a text.

Try to sleep.

Call me if you can't x

I closed my eyes, reciting the dictionary in my head, anticipating sleep to wash over me.