Jay's Book of Hermitcraft Oneshots

Faking It? (IskallXEtho)

Tws: Self-doubt, panic attack, if you find any more please let me know.

Yay! I'm writing again! I've had some SERIOUS writer's block for a long while now, but I think I'm finally getting out of it! (Hoping I didn't just jinx it there...)

So, yeah. This is pretty much just me projecting on Iskall (enby Iskall pog!), and I decided to throw in a ship too because Why Not. 

Has this ship been done before? What even is the ship name??? Idk but I'm writing it!

The sound of pounding footsteps, one after another, filled the empty space in Iskall's head as they ran somewhere, anywhere, to be alone. Not that there was much empty space to fill. Iskall was probably overthinking things again. No, they were definitely overthinking things again. But knowing that didn't help them stop. 

But still, they were grateful for the noise to help distract them from the painful thoughts cutting through in their head. 

Nothing had really happened. Nothing had triggered any of this. Iskall was just chatting with Scar and Cub when the What Ifs came.

What Ifs like,

What if I'm faking it?

What if the others are only pretending to be accepting?

What if  I was wrong?

What if?

They shook their head violently as if to rid their mind of all the questions and What Ifs. Questions like that were dangerous. Questions like that hurt. But knowing that didn't stop the questions from coming. And hurting.

Iskall found a shallow cave to sit in and sort through their thoughts. They sighed and slumped against the wall, hugging their knees to their chest and trying to hold back the tears threatening to spill over. 

They knew that they weren't faking it. They were non-binary, that was the truth. They were comfortable being non-binary. They knew that the others would always accept them, no matter what. They were Iskall's family, their friends. They knew that they weren't wrong about their gender identity. They had put so much thought into it, so many tears, so many hours of sitting in their base, staring at the dark ceiling when they couldn't fall asleep.

But the What Ifs didn't care about what Iskall knew.

Iskall heard a sob cut through the silence, only to realize it was them. They reached a hand to their face and felt tears that had fallen unnoticed as they were trapped in their mind. They buried their face in their hands, letting their muffled crying fill the space around them.

These days were the hardest. Usually, they could push the doubts and What Ifs to the back of their mind, but some days they came out and filled Iskalls mind, growing and growing until no other thoughts remained.

"Iskall?" A voice echoed through the small cave. Iskall couldn't tell who it was though. their voice was muffled by the Silence that stuffed their ears like cotton and seeped into their brain, suffocating them.

"Iskall!" The voice was closer this time, and Iskall could make out the footsteps of whoever it was. "Iskall, I need you to breathe for me, ok? Just focus on breathing"

Iskall felt arms wrap around them, rubbing soothing circles on their back. Iskall collapsed into the embrace, mirroring the person's breathing as best they could. After a few minutes, Iskall looked up to see who had pulled them out of their panic attack.

Etho smiled back down at them.

"Feeling better?" Etho asked. Iskall nodded, sitting up against the wall behind them for support and looking at their boyfriend. Etho sat back, letting Iskall go. "Do you wanna talk about what happened?" He asked gently.

"I-i," Iskall's voice was hoarse from crying, and they cleared it before continuing. "I just keep w-wondering if I'm-m faking being non-binary..." Their voice became quieter until it was barely a whisper. Etho pulled his partner into another hug.

"Iskall, your gender identity is however you feel about it. Do you feel non-binary?" Iskall nodded. "Then you are. It's as simple as that."

Iskall buried their face in Etho's shirt. "B-but what if I'm wrong?"

"If you feel like you're faking it, chances are you're not." Etho kissed the top of their head. Iskall smiled.

"Thank you, Etho" They mumbled.

"Of course, baby"

They sat there for a while until Iskall fell asleep. Etho smiled and picked up his partner bridal style and headed back to their base.

I'm actually pretty proud of this one, ngl.

Have a great day/night!

Platonic love all around <3

Have a stellar day,
All you beautiful people
~Jei