Wicked Hearts

Chapter 37

Chapter 37: Fell

Cams saw how wrecked I was after Ulrich left. Sa halip na ibalik niya ako sa mga kaibigan namin, hinila niya ako palabas at sinakay sa kanyang sasakyan. We drove for almost an hour.

Wala akong ginawa kung hindi ang umiyak buong byahe. Wala na akong pakialam kung malaman ngayon ni Cams. Wala na rin naman. Wala na kami. Wala na akong dapat na ikatakot. Wala na.

Tinabi ni Camila ang kanyang sasakyan. Lumabas siya kaya lumabas na rin ako. Saka niya hinila ang kamay ko para pumasok kami sa isang building. We got in the elevator and she pressed the last floor.

"Hey..." She held my hand and squeezed it. Alam kong wala siya gaanong alam sa pinagdadaanan ko, pero pinaramdam niya sa akin na naiintindihan niya ako. "I am just here, okay?"

Isang tipid na ngiti lang ang naisukli ko sa kanya. Pagkalabas namin ng elevator ay umakyat pa kami sa hagdan. Pagkalabas namin ay sumalubong sa amin ang malakas at malamig na simoy ng hangin.

We are on the rooftop of this building. I walked to the railings. Mahigpit ang pagkakahawak ko dahil pakiramdam kon ay mahuhulog ako sa sobrang lakas ng hangin.

For a moment, I thought I was staring at the ocean water. The tiny lights from small buildings beneath seemed like the reflection of glimmering stars overhead.

"Won't you tell me now, Riza?" Cams asked, calmly. She stood beside me. "You don't need to, but I want to understand."

I sniffed as the tears loomed around my weary eyes if they even dried for a second. The lights began to blur, but my feelings were clearer than ever.

Umihip ang malamig na hangin na humaplos sa pisngi ko. Tumulo na naman ang mga luha ko, pero sa pagkakataong ito ay malaya na. Mas dumagdag ang lamig ng hangin sa panlalamig ng loob ko.

"Rizzie..." Hinagod ni Cams ang likod ko.

"I loved him." I whispered as I sobbed harder. "I still do." I turned to my best friend. I tried to smile. "But... my sister will always be my top priority. Sila naman talaga ang nauna, nadamay lang kami."

Cams didn't say anything for the first time. Wala siyang side opinion o kahit na ano. Nakatingin lang siya sa akin habang pinaparamdam na naiintindihan niya ako.

"I chose my sister when he chose me. I let go of him when he was ready to risk it all for me." Mas lalong lumakas ang hikbi. "I love Ulrich so much, Cams. But I had to do it."

"I know..." Inabot ni Cams ang pisngi ko at pinunasan ang mga luha roon. "It's hard to betray your sister, Rizzie. I know. She has been nothing but very supportive of you. But don't you think she would understand if you chose what would make you happy?"

"That kind of happiness won't last long, Cams. Kasi... sa bawat segundong kasama ko si Ulrich, iisipin ko ang mga posibilidad. Ayoko. Ayokong sumaya habang nasasaktan si Ate Sarah. Ayoko, Cams."

I can't be totally happy if ever I chose him. The reason why I was so against of my sister dating a married man was becase she was hurting someone else. It would be a hypocritical move to do the same.

"Tahan na, Riza. You just turned eighteen. Sobrang bata mo pa, natin..." Nginitian niya ako. "Kung tutuosin ay dapat mas focus muna nga tayo sa studies, eh."

Natawa ako. "Coming from you, huh?"

"Tanga. Ano na? Nawala pagkalasing ko sa 'yo!"

Huminga ako nang malalim bago muling humarap sa kawalan. Sa pagkakataong ito ay wala nang luha sa mga mata ko.

I finally did it.

I hope you will forgive me someday.

I love you, Rik. I love you, baby.