Vespera

14

Nagulat ako nang biglang may tumabi sa'kin sa terrace, si Leo. Nginitian niya lang ako at lumingon na rin sa kawalan. Malalim rin siguro ang iniisip niya. 

"Sigurado ka bang ayaw mo siyang kausapin?" maingat na tanong niya at napatingin naman ako sakaniya. 

"Wala na kaming dapat pag-usapan. We're done" seryosong sagot ko. 

"There might be more to the story though..." sagot niya at natigilan naman ako. 

"Do you know something that I don't?" nagtatakang tanong ko. 

"Basta, I recommend na kausapin mo siya. Oo, you had a closure nung wedding nung tito niyo years ago. Pero, that was the young you. Iba na kayo ngayon. You grew together and grew apart. Don't you think it's time to look at different perspectives?" pag suggest niya at natigilan naman ako. 

I realized na tama nga siya. We were young back then. Baka nga mas mabuti kung mapagusapan na'min ang nangyari sa'min before in a more mature way of thinking. 

"Fine, I'll talk to him" bulong ko. 

"Nandito lang kami palagi Yvaine" nakangiting sabi niya at ngumiti naman ako sakaniya. 

"Eh ikaw? Mukhang malalim rin ang iniisip mo ah? Nagkita kayo?" tanong ko naman. 

"Oo" mapait ang ngiting sabi niya. 

Hindi na 'ko nagtanong pa dahil magsasabi naman siya sa'min kapag handa na siya. I don't want to force any of my cousins to spill their problems to me, to us. Mahalaga rin naman kasi ang space at privacy na'min. 

Kinabukasan, Leo texted me na sa condo daw niya kami mag-uusap ni Dave. Hindi ko alam kung makakabuti ba talaga sa'kin kung mag-uusap kami. Pero gaya nga ng sabi ni Leo, there might be more to the story that he wasn't able to tell before. 

Nagsuot lang ako ng jeans at hoodie at nagdrive na papunta sa condo ni Leo. When I arrived, I was arguing with myself kung lalabas ba 'ko. Nakahinto lang ako dito sa parking lot, hindi alam ang gagawin. 

I started shaking nervously pero lumabas nalang ako. Nandito na 'ko eh, whatever happens, happens. 

I went to the elevator and knocked at Leo's unit. Sumalubong sa'kin si Leo at nakita ko naman si Dave sa loob, nakaupo sa sofa. 

"I'll give you privacy" bulong niya at umalis na. 

Pumasok na 'ko sa loob at nagtanggal ng sapatos. Dave was staring at me and it made me super uncomfortable. Dumiretso ako sa sofa at umupo sa harap niya. 

"W-what is it that you wanted to talk about?" I asked, still shaking. 

"About us" mahinang sabi niya at kumunot naman ang mga noo ko. 

"But we're done, a long time ago-"

"But there were things left unsaid... things that weren't... explained. I didn't have a choice back then because of my career but, I want to make things clear now" seryosong sabi niya. 

Hindi ako sumagot, I was just staring at him the whole time. I can't believe that I'm actually in front of him right now. My bestfriend... my partner... my love. 

"You know what..." I whispered. 

"I met a lot of people after you ended what we had... but, nobody felt like you." I continued. 

"Yvaine..."

"Naka move on ka na ba?" he asked. 

"I don't know, Dave. Because of what you did, I was forced to let you go... to let go of the thought of you... to let go of the thought of us" I started crying. 

"It was so hard to leave with a heavy luggage carrying your empty promises and our unfulfilled plans... ang hirap" dagdag ko pa. 

"I'm so sorry" he started crying too. 

"I loved you more than I loved myself... kaya naubos ako. Binigay ko naman sayo lahat eh, ginawa ko lahat" I said. 

"I know, but you shouldn't have loved someone more than yourself, Yvaine. Not even me" sagot naman niya. 

"Pero Dave, I will never forget the fact that you chose her over me" I sobbed at natigilan naman siya. 

"Okay lang sana kung iniwan mo 'ko dahil sa pangarap mo... pero tangina Dave, ano bang meron sakaniya na wala sa'kin?" sigaw ko. 

"Yvaine-"

"I remember you telling me that choosing her has nothing to do with me but has everything to do with her... I can't help but ask myself kung anong mali sa'kin, kung saan ako nagkulang. Dahil kung napasaya kita... kung naging sapat ako... ako siguro yung pinili mo." I said. 

"She doesn't exist" pagsabi niya at naguluhan naman ako. 

"H-huh?" 

"The girl that I was with the day of your accident... it was my co-trainee. My agency found out that I was dating you. They forced me to break up with you but when I refused, they hired a truck driver to hit you..." Dave started crying again at natigilan naman ako. 

"Are you saying... the reason behind my accident... was you?" I asked. 

"The girl I was with was planned as well-"

"Pero nakipaglandian ka pa'rin" I said. 

"I'm sorry" nakayukong sabi niya. 

"If I didn't entertain my co-trainee, if I didn't talk to her, I could've saved you. I was afraid that my agency will continue on harming you that's why I made up stories na may pinili akong iba" he explained. 

"What about the thing you said na kinukuha ng agency mo yung kinikita mo?" I asked. 

"That wasn't true as well. Totoong umalis ako sa agency na 'yon but not for that reason. The reason was your accident. That's also why I stopped coming to the hospital because my guilt was eating me alive. Nadelay ka ng isang taon sa college dahil sa'kin... I've said those mean words to you just so you will stop loving me. I just... I just can't deal with the guilt anymore" he cried. 

Hindi ko alam ang nararamdaman ko ngayon. I didn't know that there was a lot behind what happened between us. 

"Why are you telling me this now?" nakayuko kong sabi. 

"I want to try again" dirediretso niyang sabi at natigilan naman ako. 

"I'm not that powerless Dave anymore. Hindi ko na hahayaang maulit yung nakaraan..." sambit niya.