The Bookworm

Chapter 11 (edited)

Amara

"What's wrong with you?"

He was back. I didn't know how or why, but he was back working as if nothing ever happened a couple of weeks ago. At first, I hadn't noticed him in the morning, but I did at the first recess, working as usual in his working attire. Jeans and a plain white t-shirt... Part of his arms were buried underneath the sleeves, but I could see them working just fine from where I stood.

"Hey, I'm talking to you. Care to look at me?"

My attention snapped to Char as she sat next to me during lunch. I realized too late I had been staring at him as he paid for his lunch and left to eat with his co-workers.

"You've been acting strange lately. Well, you haven't been acting. You've been deactivated. What's going on?"

"Deactivated?"

"Yes, you live somewhere in your head. What's going on?"

I wasn't sure what to answer, other than I felt confused. My brain felt confused, my body felt confused, my thoughts were stuck and focused on Saturday morning repeating over and over again.

Hair, eyes, drugs, eating with him, waking up in his bed. Hair... closeness. If I was honest with myself, I was afraid. I couldn't tell what exactly it was that I was feeling, but it was something, and it wasn't hate or dislike either. It was something else I couldn't name quite yet, and I was frightened. It's like I had seen him for a moment, and the imprint of him wouldn't leave my mind.

"It's nothing. Really."

"'Really' my ass. I'm not an idiot. Do you think I can't see what's going on?"

Startled, my head snapped towards her because I realized I had been wandering again.

"What do you mean?"

"Girl, be careful with that neck." she laughed surprised. "Do you honestly think I haven't noticed those looks?"

"Looks?"

"Yeah, looks. And I'm not talking about his never-ending staring at you. It's nothing new. I'm a little surprised, though, that you began peeping his way, too. I didn't take you for a fan of his."

It wasn't like this. But honestly, I didn't know what it was like, anymore. Nothing essential had changed and, yet, the air between us wasn't the same. There was this awareness that made it hard for me to focus, think, and breathe.

"It's not like that, Char."

"How is it, then?" She asked me puzzled. "Look, I get it. A lot of shit went down between you a few weeks, well, years, ago. Ideally, he wouldn't be here, but that's supposed to be somewhat over. He apologized, didn't he?" She reasoned. "You're not acting like yourself. I doubt that you've been even studying... have you?"

Overwhelmed, I took off my glasses. And that tight knot in my stomach that had been there for weeks became a wave that traveled up my chest, throat and threatened to spill from my eyes.

No, I haven't been studying or going out much, maybe it was the first time in my life I couldn't concentrate enough to do anything. Even reading novels was a chore. All I could do was think about him, thinking about the situation. I was seeing his face whenever I closed my eyes, having mixed emotions. Think of getting drugged, then waking up to a strange place, him being intense, and then behaving strangely warm. Him not explaining why he came to the party, no one noticing him getting in. No one noticing me getting drugged.