[PAUSED] How long is forever? - A Juke AU

Chapter 18 - "Oh I know, Drummer Boy"

PLEASE READ!!!

Before we get into the next part, I just want to say how sorry I am for taking so long with this chapter, as it has been a very hard one to write. I know I said I would be updating without a schedule, but I feel that I need to address this issue and get the next few chapters out. I sorta have social anxiety but then it's not social anxiety; sometimes I can be so self-damaging that the smallest thing like a message taking a minute to send, can make me think that no one cares about me, or that I'm unimportant even if that person is my best friend. I start avoiding people and I just shut myself off from the world. I can be really shy when talking to people I don't know already, but then if I do know the person I'm talking to, I won't shut up. I try to hide behind makeup, music instruments when I sing, or a device when I'm reading. I also tend to wear headphones or earbuds to distract myself from the world and amounts of noise going on around me. On a happier note, welcome all the new people that have started reading this story, I really hope you have liked it. To blueskyssssssss and Animal_lover_33 I'm sorry about the past couple of days. With that out the way, let's get into chapter 18!

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"Why did Nick call you sweetheart and babe?"

Kit's POV

I suck in a breath. He'll never believe me. I can't tell him the full truth. He'll hate me, then he'll leave and I'll be truly alone.

"Because he's an idiot. I- I would have beaten him up if he wasn't in the car, Cal."

He doesn't respond he just gives me a look like he's coming up with all the reasons for him to not trust me anymore. But I can't judge, Iwould be too.

"Why don't you trust me??"

"Who said that?" Normally I can read people like a book, especially when I'm close to them, but Caleb is blank.

"Your expressions."

"I guess I'm just another book for you to read. Isn't that what you do? You fake an interest in boys, then when they fall in love with you, you crush them. You make them feel pain, and I'm not talking about physical pain like cuts wounds or scars, I mean the gashes that last longer then those. The ones people can't see. The ones on someone's heart. But you don't just slash it with a knife, you crush them with a hammer."

I never cry, and when I do, it's over incredibly major things, not things like a cut. The last time I cried was when Nick broke up with me, a year and 10 months ago. But now, after nearly two years, I feel my eyes welling up. And I hate it.

"Is that all I am to you? I'm just some sort of weird girl who inflicts pain on everyone?"

"Yeah. Yeah maybe you are. Look at Isaac, and all your past relationships. You've always broken them. Don't tell me you haven't."

"Cal..." my voice breaks because I don't understand how I can open myself up to someone and they still don't see the pain that I suffer every single day.

"Don't Kathrine."

What? He never calls me Kathrine. It's always Kat or Kitty.

"Caleb?"

"Leave. Go away to a place where I never have to see you again." A look of hurt, or shock or something must have shown because then he proceeds to say. "Oh. You haven't felt this pain. You're scared of it. Well what if I tell you, this pain is what you inflict on others. Now how do you feel?"

"Caleb. You don't understand."

"I don't? You're right. I don't. Please enlighten me. Tell me why I shouldn't leave the girl I love, the girl I have loved for ages, who cheated on me, and then pleads it wasn't what it looks like. Do you know how ridiculous that sounds?"