*Trigger warning, the following contains:
Mentions of Sexual abuse
Post-traumatic stress disorder(PTSD)- A disorder in which a person has difficulty recovering after experiencing or witnessing a terrifying event.
The condition may last months or years, with triggers that can bring back memories of the trauma accompanied by intense emotional and physical reactions.
My final diagnosis at 19 years old is post-traumatic stress disorder.
The foregoing illness launched into my early teen years, especially at 13 years old, when I began receiving vivid nightmares of my previous sexual trauma.
It felt as if I was back in my 4-year-old body and I could see the room I was in, the same room my innocence was stolen and worst of all, I could see my abusers' face, I could hear his voice clearly, as if he was right there.
I have no idea what triggered these nightmares, but when I first experienced it, I was in shock and I immediately felt as if I was back in that time where I felt vulnerable and violated at the hands of my rapist, even though I was no longer 4 years old.
Once these dreams surfaced, I didn't know what to do. I didn't even understand why it was happening. I just dealt with it, not realizing it is worsening as I do nothing about it.
Secondly what brought on this illness was my abandonment issues, from my father not being in my life to my friends leaving me at 16 years old, it triggered and because of it I isolated myself more than ever, avoiding friendship or close relationships with anyone because it reminded me of the people I once called my friends or my father and I feared they would leave me if I get too close.
These symptoms have expanded and have gone throughout my teen years to now. Since then, I've developed a negative outlook on the world and myself, my self-esteem dropped majorly, I became less optimistic and more pessimistic, and engaged in behaviors like smoking marijuana, drinking, unsafe sex, and binge spending.
In those days I didn't see that I was trying to cope with my past, I've mistaken it for just being a normal teen.
What scares me about this when I think back on it now, is that I did it all without a second thought — it seemed as if I was not myself, but something that took the form of my body instead.
÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷
Feel free to vote and comment.
Thank you! 🤍🖤🤍
YOU ARE READING
Inside My Mind: Life After Trauma
Non-FictionShort stories telling about the Authors' mental health journey. From Discovering her mental illnesses to learning how to cope with them. (Based on a True Story.) |Edited Version| (For the story of my trauma, read, "The Scars Within." Volume no. 1...
