Young Royals S2

The Letter

Dear Simon,

First of all, I love you. I don't think I've ever loved anyone or anything else as much as I love you. But I know that is not enough. I messed up, big time. I let you slip away, because I was too scared. I was scared of my parents, scared of my reputation, of my responsibilities. But deep down, I was also scared of my feelings for you. I know that makes me sound like a coward. I'm afraid I am a coward. I wish I wasn't. I want to be a courageous person, but I guess that's something you're way better at.

From the first moment we spend time together, I knew you would gain a special place in my heart. It took me a week to realise that you would own all of my heart.

You made me feel home, Simme. Every time you touched me, kissed me or just simply looked at me; my heart exploded.
You are by far the most beautiful person I've ever met. Your curls, your eyes, your kindness, your smile; everything about you is beautiful. I could admire you for every second of the day and not get bored.

I have a lot of regrets, Simon. I'm sorry that I let you down so many times. I'm sorry that I didn't appreciate you more, that I didn't step up for you. I will carry these regrets for probably the rest of my life.

You need to know that I never wanted to move away from you. Creating more distance between us was the last thing I wanted, but my parents forced me. The day after you came over to my house, they told me I had to exchange schools. They told me they didn't trust me anymore and that I wasn't acting responsible. I think they really wanted to say that I wasn't acting as their son. I resisted and told them it wouldn't happen, because I thought we had something worth fighting for.

Three days later, you told me our relationship was over. After that, I couldn't find the power anymore to defend myself to my parents. I simply gave up.

So here we are. I'll be moving to another country, more than 1500 miles away from you. I'm not sure what will happen to me, or to us, but I guess we won't see each other anymore. I hate that thought.

I wish I could pack you and take you with me, keeping you all to myself. But that would be selfish. Maybe letting you go is for the better. This way, you can live your life the way you want to. I hope you get the kind of love you deserve. You deserve love of the greatest kind.

I want you to have this snow globe, to remember me. It's from Erik. He got it once for Christmas, but gave it to me instead because he knew how much I liked it. That's how he was: generous and considerate. He was the greatest brother I could have ever asked for. I wish the two of you could've met. He would have loved you, I'm sure of that.

I don't want to use the word 'goodbye' in this letter, because that would break my heart. I don't want this to be a farewell letter. I want to remain hopeful. Therefore I won't say it. See this as a love letter, filled with my wishes, gratefulness and regrets.

Please know that I'll always remember you. You were my first love, and I think you'll forever be my only love. I would do all of it over if I could.

Simon, I'll love you till the day I die. Hopefully we can meet in another lifetime.

All my love,

Wille.