Young Royals S2

Chapter 16 - Simon

'What's this?'

I turn around and see Ayub pointing to the package that's been on my desk for a week now. I sigh.

'Ehm...' I start, 'that would be from Wilhelm.'
Ayub's eyebrows raise. 'No shit,' he says.
Ayub has been staying at my place for a few days now. His parents are out of town and everyone knows that kid can't cook or to the laundry for himself, so my mom invited him over. It's nice to have him here, kind of like old times. The only thing that's different is that we don't go to school together every morning anymore.

'Yeah, my mom gave it to me a week ago,' I explain Ayub. 'Apparently Wilhelm came over here when I wasn't home and told my mom to give it to me.'

'No shit,' Ayub says again. I snort. 'Yes, you've said that twice now.'

'I'm sorry. But why haven't you opened it?' Ayub asks confused. 'Pff, I don't know. It's probably just something I left in his room,' I respond. I haven't talked with Ayub about Wille for a reason: it's too painful. But deep down I know why I haven't opened the package yet: I'm terrified to. I have no idea what's in there, but it'll probably the last contact I'll ever get from Wilhelm. I guess he blocked me, because every time I call him, I hear 'this number is not available.'

If I open that package, it'll be the last thing that keeps me connected to him. Somehow I want to keep it for the future, so I'll always have something that I can open and will remind me of him. I know it doesn't make much sense. I just need some courage to open it.

But I'm definitely not going to try explaining that to Ayub. Luckily, he notices that I don't want to talk about it. 'I get it,' he responds, even though he probably doesn't. 'So, what's new with Sara? Is she going to become a boarder or what?'

Relieved that he changed the topic, I answer him. 'Oh yeah, I haven't told you yet. She's staying home, apparently Hillerska couldn't offer her a place. Don't really know why though, last time I checked there were a bunch of empty bedrooms.'

'Hmm. Weird. But are you glad she's not going?' Ayub asks.
'Definitely glad. We're finally close again, so I don't want that to get messed up again. We're finally a functioning family again,' I tell him.

'Yeah, you guys are acting much better than last time,' Ayub laughs, 'remember New Years Eve?'

I laugh too. 'Oh man, I'm so sorry about that. We were not fun to hang out with that night,' I apologise.
I think about that night and feel my stomach twisting. I told Wille I loved him that night. How could I forget?

Ayub snaps his fingers in front of my face, waking me up from my deja vu. 'Yoo, you alright? Where are you in your thoughts? Don't say Wilhelm, please.'

I try to play it cool. 'No, no, don't worry. I was just thinking about Rosh's game tonight she's playing. You want to go and watch together?' I ask him.

Ayub squints his eyes, like he doesn't really believe me. 'Yeah, sure,' he eventually says.

Phew.

————————

It's 1:30 AM. I sigh. I can't seem to fall asleep. I look over at Ayub, sleeping peacefully next to me. Well, I don't know if I should call it peacefully, he has been snoring quite loudly for over an hour now.

We went to Rosh's game together tonight, and I had hoped it would distract me. It didn't. I kept wondering what would be inside the package. After the game, I told Ayub I was tired and went straight to bed. That was more than two hours ago. The little package on my desk has been staring at me the whole time, begging to be opened.

Fuck it.
I'm going to open it. I take another glance at Ayub to make sure he's really asleep. He snores again, even louder than before. Yup. Definitely asleep.

I stand up and sit down behind my desk. I turn on the little light and I grab the package. Immediately, I start doubting. Should I really open it? What if it makes everything worse? What if....

I sigh. The longer I wait, the more I waste my time and get more frustrated. I clear my mind and try to rip the package open.

My heart sinks when I see what's inside.

It's the little snow globe with the frog, that used to be on Wilhelms desk at Hillerska.

I place it in my hands and look at it. That little frog is making me tear up. I silently curse at it. I never asked Wille where he got it from, but I always thought it was important to him. Why did he give it to me? Is this supposed to give a message that I don't understand?

I keep squeezing the globe, trying not to cry, until I see my knuckles turning white.

I stay like this for a few minutes, not sure what to do. I feel I'm close to a complete breakdown, but I can't cry with Ayub in here. I try to get my breathing under control.

I take another look at the package.

No way.

There's a letter in there.

A letter from Wille. This is another level of courage I need for opening it. I'm way too afraid, but I know I have to read it now. Otherwise, I probably never will.

I should probably count to three.

My hands are shaking, like I have no control over my body anymore.

I shiver and take a deep breath. Just open it, I tell myself.

One.

Two.

Three.