Outsmarted

Chapter One - Aftereffect

Jax's Point of View

One year since Reina died. Correction. One year since I murdered Reina. There's no longer a point in life. Constantly feeling demotivated has become a norm in my daily hectic life. She has me some sort of hope in a happily ever after but I was being way too fast to act hastily and now she was gone. It's four in the morning and I was up just like any other day. Nightmares after nightmares every night. I was responsible for her death and now I was paying the price. The moment of her telling me that she loves me replays a million times in my head while I'm sleeping or at the back of my head when I wake up.

"I love you even if you don't love me back and when you know the truth, you'll just hate yourself." Every word she uttered in that still instant turned and rolled into the truth. I found out my worst enemy who was the root cause of the attack that the Milans had all planned out and now I can't even stand myself. Guilt overrides me every day as there's no rest for me but here we carrying on with life as if nothing out of the ordinary had occurred.

Her bed in her room. That's where I am. In her bed, every single night I sleep here reminding myself of her. No longer alive but she was all that I truly loved in my whole life. I couldn't swallow my pride and tell her and now she's not here so what the hell do I do without her? Her presence itself could warm up my whole day and brighten my mood in immediate seconds. I hated her at the beginning because of her stubbornness and her personality and now I adored it and found myself complimenting those exact things at her grave.

There's no body in the grave but she deserves a proper send off so I organised her a funeral myself. I buried her. Maybe not physically but emotionally and spiritually. I wasn't very much of a religious guy ever. Yeah, I went to Church as a kid but when I got to seven years old my mum let it go but nowadays, I find myself going to Church every single Sunday for the services. A mafia boss going to Church. That's very much ironic. I wanted some sort of connection to her or some sort of sense that she was there watching over me and seeing how sorry I was and how much I regretted it but it wasn't possible to take any of it back because it was too late.

I got up and took a shower in her bathroom and then walked to my wardrobe in her room changing into a suit. Grabbed some cereal bars and walked to the nearest florist shop. I got her roses and tulips. Roses as they represent the love that we had was toxic and had only ended up hurting a powerful Goddess like her and the tulips since they were her favourite. I headed towards the graveyard to see her. The perfect way to start and end my day. The only way to start and end my day after I had done what I did.

She was buried in the Martinez field. She was a lot more worthy than being associated with me but this was the best place in terms of burial. She lied next to my grandmother Liliana Martinez. Of course, my family was against it at the beginning but after I explained the deed they understood immediately and sympathised with the situation and understood that the weight of the guilt I carry will always be there on my shoulders.

"Hey Nem," I began as I crouched down to see her laying the flowers beside the grave. I saw the flowers from yesterday still intact and very much beautiful like her. "I bought you some flowers... again. I want to say again that I'm so sorry for what I did to you. You didn't deserve any of it at all but I still did it. I know you won't forgive me and I don't deserve your forgiveness but I do hope you recognise the actual and most sincere guilt that I feel for you and just... just look at it and know that I hate myself for doing that to you."

A tear had brimmed on my eye and slowly fell off. The ruthless American Mafia Boss was crying for someone but what they wouldn't know is that she was a someone that was more worthy than a lot of other people I had met. Wait scrap that, she was more worthy than all of the people I had met before and that was a fact. "I love you; I really do and now I'm paying the price for accusing someone that I love and I can't get you out of my head anymore and...". My voice broke down and I just let the tears speak for themselves.