30 days fiance // chaelisa + jensoo

chapter 20

Lisa pries her eyes open to find herself standing in the operating room. Standing there, her thoughts shift back to when she was inside her room, having been married for only an hour before her chest got tight, and she started coughing up blood. She didn't understand why or how she could be awake at this point of time. She remembered being dragged down the hallway, the nurses pushing her down on the bed to keep her from moving forward as she kept coughing up more blood. She felt her insides screaming out for the pain to stop, for the red to cease, but it was no use. Judging by the fact that she was wheeled into the room, Lisa realized maybe she hadn't been put to sleep just yet. But what scared her beyond her mind was the fact that she was alright, standing in the operating room before turning her head over to find herself lying on the operating table with doctors and nurses surrounding her body.

'Fuck! Am I dead? God... please tell me I'm not dead.'

Lisa musters the courage in her bones to walk over and she realises that she was still breathing. Still having oxygen pumped into her. But she looked so dead. Lisa didn't know what the fuck was going on, and she tried her best to scream at someone to tell her what was going on. Lisa stands there, completely invisible to anyone in the room and she watches as they prepare to cut her open.

'Oh my fucking god. This isn't happening. No way. No...'

Lisa then realises what was going on with her. She's awake but not awake. Anaesthesia awareness. She remembered reading about it somewhere whereby a patient was completely asleep and still aware of everything they felt and hear. But this... this was something entirely different. She was out of her body. She was standing there, watching everything play out before her. Lisa was losing her mind. Why was she able to see herself? Chaeyoung! Where is Chaeyoung? She needed to find her. Only she could comfort her. Take her out of this misery, this crazy dream. Yes! This was just a dream. No way was she awake. She made a run for the door, opening it with all her strength and running down the hallway. This was a nightmare. This... this is insane. Lisa's mind was spinning around in circles.

But before Lisa could turn the corner, she stopped abruptly in front of someone familiar. A young girl, dark eyes, soft brown locks of hair and smile that was never seen before. It was her. When she was young. The day that smile of hers disappeared.

"Hi Lisa."

Her younger self spoke. This is crazy.

"Your me."

"That's right Lisa. I'm part of your conscience. The one you locked away years ago. The one that you swore would never come out again. Remember this smile?" Her younger self pointed at her own face.

"Yeah. I remember. The day our mother died. It was gone."

"Ah... so you do remember. Tell me why that happen Lisa? What was it in you that you couldn't live past that day?"

"You know why. She deserved to live. Yet, she died. Because they couldn't get her a fucking heart transplant." Lisa felt her tears leave her eyes. Her mother that she loved so much left her and Jennie in a world so cruel, so hateful, Lisa had to grow up too soon.

"Nope. You could have been yourself Lisa. You could have been happy. You could have chosen to feel, to love, to smile. But you locked it all away in the deepest darkest depths of your heart. And when dad died, what did you remember doing Lisa?"

Lisa remembered that day all too well. Jennie was at school, and she had come home slightly early when she walked in on her father sitting in the living room, a bottle in hand and a gun in the other. Her younger version pulled her hand and led her into one of the rooms, making Lisa stand there and watch the same scene she had witnessed played out before her. The same place she stood, and there the gun was raised to her father's own head. Lisa couldn't help herself but scream when the trigger was pulled, making her crash to the floor in agony. She felt her chest being cut open, near her left breast as the pain increased. Lisa clutched her chest, curling up into a ball as the pain increased in intensity. They were cutting her open.