Time Through Time We Remain Untamed.

CHAPTER 39: MY WALLS ARE BREAKING

I looked it up you know, this heaviness in my chest, I wanted to give this ache a name

'There are no pain receptors in the lungs.' I read.......

   There's this almost like scratchy and clutching feeling you get when you feel like you are in between being irritated and  desparate. It's chest constricting and brims so close to the surface that one can almost touch it. It's a feeling that leaves you dangling over the cliff; neither falling nor rising and the more he felt like that, the more Wuxian slowly began to hate himself. This was beyond being cornered. This was being forced into a cage and what worse was that he was doing it all by his own will. He was using his own blade against himself and that was more than enough punishment for him to bear.

       The following days found Wuxian as elusive as possible. After his meeting with Lan Qiren, he knew for sure that his life wouldn't be the same anymore. There was need for extra vigilance in a time like this with a situation like his. He couldn't sleep at night with the clouding uneasiness of everything and he didn't have peace during the day either with the constant fear of losing his control. In the end, he was slowly becoming a prisoner of his own self and noone can save you from those except yourself.

    The bell rang, marking the end of the school day and students were finally free to leave.

    "Thank Goodness." Wuxian exclaimed under his breath as he got ready to go. His head had been pounding since morning and he felt like it would explode. He had been experiencing excruciating headaches for a while now and though painkillers were of great help, they were slowly becoming a constant presence and more painful. He took a breather, trying to clear his vision before getting up to leave. He didn't reach far though as splitting pain from his left side rushed through him and he immediately succumbed. His vision blacked out and Wuxian felt like jelly as he dropped to the ground. He had little time before he was unconscious, displaying himself for the whole class that erupted in concerned noises.

     The school's nursing ward was a small, compact yet functional room in the whole facility. Wei Wuxian could tell he was in the room by the rough, starched linen sheets and cotton blanket over him. It smelled just like a pharmacy shop with a mixture of cool and warm air from the aircon.
Wincing, he opened his eyes trying to get a clear view as he struggle to sit up.

   "Careful Wei Ying, don't strain yourself just yet. You took a pretty hard fall." came the sweet voice of Lan Zhan who was standing over head him. Of course he was here. 'What now?' groaned Wuxian as he laid back down. This was just not his day.

    " What are you doing here Lan Zhan?" Wuxian asked as he closed his eyes, not wanting to look at him. His presence was aggravating him for some reason and for the first time, he didn't seem to want to be near him. This was the emotional instability he had been trying to fight for the last few weeks. He had been projecting and suppressing soo much that now even the person that he loved the most was the one he didn't want to be near because his states were not ok anymore. He was losing himself and in that process, he was manifesting the very things he was trying to avoid.

     "Are you seriously asking me that?! You just fainted and have been unconscious for almost an hour! You don't think I wouldn't be worried?" Lan Zhan responded, taken aback by his tone and attitude. Something bad seriously changed with Wei Wuxian.
     
    "Wei Ying..." Lan Zhan began in hopes of trying to find out things but suddenly got pushed back by a waking Wuxian who got out of bed abruptly.