Red Vs Blue: Agent New Jersey: The Blood Gulch Chronicles

S2E4: The Joy of Toggling

The camera pans down to see Doc and Grif outside of Red Base. Sarge, Simmons, and Donut stand further away near the Warthog. 

Doc: "So he was shot in the head..."

Grif: "Right."

Doc: "...and you gave him CPR for a bullet wound in the head."

Grif: "Exactly."

Doc: "Yeah, I think that's a perfectly acceptable treatment."

Grif: "That's what I said."

Doc: "Oh yeah, people often overlook alternative methods of care. Like that Blue guy that was shot in the foot during the battle? All I did was rub his neck with some aloe vera, he was fine."

Grif: "Yeah, I don't know about all that. I'm just glad that Sarge is wrong."

Sarge: "Grif! Yer supposed to be watching the prisoner, not playing lookie-loo with him all day long!"

Grif: "Come on Sarge, he doesn't even have a gun."

Simmons: "Oh, well you two will be great friends then. He doesn't have a gun, and you didn't bring any ammo!"

Grif: "Hey thanks, kiss-ass. If I wanna take guarding tips from the guy that lost our last prisoner, I'll be sure to ask you."

Donut: "Oh man, that is a burn. Dude, you just got burned. Burned, dude, burned."

Simmons: "Oh shut up, your armor's pink."

Doc: "Uh, hey, guys? I-I just want everybody to know that Grif and I aren't, uh, technically friends.. uh, we're just talking. That's it." Doc turns to face Grif. "Sorry, man, but it's pretty obvious that you're really unpopular, and if I'm gonna make any progress around here at all I can't really be directly associated with you. I'm sure you understand."

Grif: "..."

Doc: "It's only because no one likes you."

Grif: "..."

Doc: "Stop staring at me."

The camera zooms through Blood Gulch, revealing that Sheila is still in the center of it. Carmine, Church, and Tucker are standing on top of Blue Base.

Tucker: "Hey Church, if your body is the Red Team's old droid, and droids usually fix stuff, can't you just activate your repair sequence and fix Sheila?"

Church: "Huh... Well, yeah it's worth a shot, I guess. Ahem. Alright. Stand back." Tucker takes a step back. "Huhrur...! Heeungh...! Hoom...!"

Tucker: "Anything?"

Church: "Yeah, it's not as easy as you'd think it would be."

Carmine: "Well, there ought to be some sort of button or switch to activate it somewhere." 

Church: "See what you can find. I'll keep trying from in here... Huroor...! Oh! Hey!"

Tucker: "Found it?"

Church: "Nah, no wait. All I found was the time and temperature function. It is currently twenty-six degrees, by the way."

Tucker: "What? It's not twenty-six degrees out here, that's freezing." We see Caboose walk through the entrance of the base.

Carmine: "In Celsius, you moron." 

Tucker: "Oh come on, dude, Celsius sucks." Tucker kneels down and looks at Church. "Hey, I found something."

Church: "Oh yeah? You found a button?"

Tucker: "Naw dude, it's more like a ..switch."

Church: "Well, give it a flip."

Tucker: "I don't wanna flip it."

Church: "What's the problem?"

Tucker: "It's in a weird place."

Church: "Oh you've gotta be kidding me."

Carmine: "Tucker, you're such a fucking pansy."

Tucker: "One of you flip it."

Church: "These arms aren't that flexible, I can't even reach down there."

Carmine: "Yeah, that's a no from me, Tucker. You have at it, though."

Tucker: "What about Caboose?"

Church: "Oh man, he's so stupid, I don't even know if he knows how to operate a switch."

Tucker: "Oh man..."

Church: "C'm-Tucker, come on. We'll laugh about it later. I'll buy you dinner."

Tucker: (kneels down and tries to flip the switch) "It won't move, it's stuck."

Church: "Did you try wiggling it?"

Tucker: "No way, I'm not wiggling your dongle."

Zeta appears over Carmine's shoulder.

Zeta: "Why not? You should be familiar with the concept considering how often you do it."

Tucker: "Hey, fuck you. No one asked for your opinion."

Carmine: "Care to run that by me again, Private?" Carmine pulls out his magnum.

Tucker: "Shutting up now!"

Carmine: "Good."

Tucker: "Anyway, I'm still not doing it."

Church: "Oh, stop being a baby. Just wiggle it."

Tucker kneels back down.

Church: "... So, you from around here, baby?"

Tucker: "Okay look, if you want me to do this, you can't talk like that."

Church: "Alright alright alright alright, I'm sorry, I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding."

Tucker: "I wish Tex was here, she wouldn't have any problem flipping it."

Carmine: "If Tex was here, she'd sock you for even suggesting that."

Church: "Yeah, what he said."

Tucker kneels back down and flips the switch and a beeping noise starts.

Tucker: "There! Anything?"

Church: "Nope. Nothin'. That's kinda weird. Do you hear something beeping?"

Cut to the Reds.

Sarge: "Are there any ideas on what to do with the prisoner?"

The same beeping starts fading in, approaching the same volume.

Simmons: "Well, we have to get him away from Grif, because ...yeah, you know, it's kinda cruel and unusual to have to talk to him."

Donut: "How 'bout we, um, let him trade armor with uh, one of us? That would show him."

The Warthog's headlights flash in time with the beeping

Warthog: (voice is warbled and slurred) "Warthog online." (the headlights flash once and remain on, and the voice is now up to speed) "Homing beacon activated."

Donut: "Sarge, d-d-did the car just talk?"

Sarge: "Uh oh."