Take Me To Church (A John Lennon Story)

Chapter Sixteen: A Lesson

In my dream, I was walking along inside my old house and it was warm compared to the stormy weather outside.  There was tea brewing in the kitchen; it was like the nights my father would read in the sitting room and I finished my homework.  Back that was back when I thought nothing was wrong and I had not known what I was missing.

Suddenly a hand was on my shoulder and my father kissed my forehead.  He sat me down on the couch and went to get the tea in the kitchen.  Though I felt a bit alarmed he had not said anything or made any threatening moves.  It was a dream, so why did it have to turn into a nightmare?

He offered me a teacup, but before I could take it he asked me to say a prayer.  I said that I couldn't remember the one that went with meals.  He seemed disappointed and remarked that I needed to study them more often.  They would be more useful than biology, he said.

So he said a small word of grace before taking his tea.  I stirred sugar into my tea as he said in a darker tone, "I know why you have forgotten your prayers.  I feel you have something to confess." Suddenly he seized the tea pot and threw its burning contents on me.  It hurt but I was more stunned than anything.  Shaking my shoulders, he said, "You gave yourself away to him!  You have ruined yourself!  You will be damned!"

I didn't wake up shouting, but I must have in my sleep, because a few moments later Sean opened my door.  "Are you alright?"

"Sean, I'm sorry.  It was just a nightmare."

"Do you want me to stay in here with you?"  

If it were anyone else, I would have said I wouldn't have felt comfortable with someone watching me sleep.  John was the only one who was able to do that.  But I didn't have the heart to say no to Sean.  He knelt down by my bedside.  "I...I had a nightmare too."

"What was that about, Sean?"

"Our family being taken apart."  The way he said 'our' touched my heart.  Only a few weeks with him and he was scared for us to be separated.  I wished I could have loved so unconditionally.  

He fell asleep leaning against my bed, and Alta and her husband came to wake him up and put him in his own bed in the morning.   I woke only an hour later, when Alta told me that John was there.  I hurried to get dressed and tried to look as presentable as possible.  My foster mother gave me a smile as I came out of my room.  I turned the corner to smile at John.  "Are you ready, Ariel?"

"For what?"

"I promised you that I would take you to rehearsal today, remember?"  He extended a hand to me.  John hadn't mentioned a rehearsal before, so I was a bit confused.  But I took his hand and said yes.  Alta's husband told me to call if I was going to be out later than curfew, but John had been very good at hurrying me home before that time.  If I was home before curfew, Alta did not question me.  She seemed to grow more and more fond of John.  

As soon as we were on the sidewalk I asked what we were really going to do.  "We're going to rehearse for an hour or so.  But...I was thinking of taking you out dancing.  If you'd like."  

"I'm only wearing trousers," John kissed my neck, "but apparently you don't mind that."  The boy didn't stop kissing her.  A woman on the sidewalk glared at them with fury.  "John...save this for the dancing, please?"

"If I have to."

I couldn't get over John's voice as he sang.  It was so rough-sounding, but smooth when he needed it to be.  Though I tried not to distract him.  I would have felt bad if I did.   

John stopped one of the songs in the middle to tell Paul that he wasn't playing it the way he told him too.  They got into a bit of an argument, in which John said some rather rude things jokingly, making me blush.  Knowing that I felt awkward, he gave me a strange little wave before continuing to sing.  

But rehearsal ended quickly when John realized the time and we left as soon as we came.  Paul pouted, saying that he wanted to dance with me too.  

I think the idea for dancing was simply an excuse for John to get his hands on me.  He wasn't behaving too inappropriately however.  There were others who were worse.  But even though we were in a large crowd I felt as though I was being watched, and that made me want to stay by him even if he was drinking or smoking.  

The dancing was fun, but it was getting late.  John hurried us out the door, but we landed right in the middle of a drunken fight between two groups of boys.  One of them recognized John.  "Oi, it's Lennon!  Didn't think I'd see you around here anymore after that beating I gave you!"  I held onto his hand, hoping he would just ignore them.  But John seemed a bit lost in the boy's words.  Nothing I could do would stop him.  

A few of the lads looked me up and down.  One even bent over to examine my legs, which I didn't find that impressive but apparently they did.  "She's a pretty one, mate," the boy called again.  "But she seems a bit too shy for my liking."  

"Don't talk to her that way," John growled.  

The boy whistled, though he was unimpressed.  "Look at this.  Posh John Lennon posing as a teddy boy.  I can hear your auntie calling you right now for evening tea.  Wouldn't want to be late."  John lost it.  He threw a fist, but I caught it, surprising everyone, including myself.  He looked down at me.  "John, don't.  This isn't right."  

To be honest, I wasn't surprised when he shoved me away.  "I don't need your peacy, religious crap, Ariel."  The lads wrote me off as some irrelevant bird, but I wasn't going to let that happen.  I walked back up to him again, and touched his face so he would look at me.  "It's not being religious; it's learning to turn the other cheek."  

I knew I had his attention then.  He took my hand and led me away from the crowd.  I could tell that the only reason he wasn't attempting to beat the boy to a bloody pulp was because I was there.  

We did not talk much on the walk home.  He held me close, but that was the only type of contact we had.  He wished me goodnight, and kissed me rather softly before leaving.  I wished he didn't have to go.  

He was busy for the next week, and I didn't see him at all.  Until I went out for dinner with Alta and her family and came home to a letter in my window.  

Dear Ariel,

A bit like the past, right?

I wanted to thank you for stopping that fight.  I appreciate you looking out for me, even though you might have been harmed in the process.  And I am so sorry for pushing you away.  I shouldn't have touched you while I was so upset; I would never forgive myself if I hurt you.  

I wish I could express how much I love you and need you.  I don't deserve someone as kind as you.  I did what your father didn't want me to do; I took your innocence in every sense of the word.  I can't help but feel like I made you sink to my level.  And I know you insist that you love me too...but I'm so afraid I'll ruin you.  

But I love you and I can't seem to let you go.

"I don't want you to let me go," I whispered.  I looked out the window to see if he was still there, but he wasn't.  Being incredibly bold and hoping he was within earshot, I shouted, "I love you, John!"  I ran over to the desk and tore out another piece of paper.  I replied to him, hoping he would return later.  

You're dangerous, but you're the best risk I've ever taken.  

Love, 

Ariel.