Your Ivy Grows

Chapter 15

There's no point wasting tears on John when it does nothing to change the situation. Instead, I let the anger overwhelm me until it feels like it's festering inside of me. My anger isn't just for John, I save a lot for myself. A walking cliche, that's what I am. For someone who used to hate my mother for her choices, I've done a good job of making the same ones. How much of my childhood did I spend promising myself I'd never be like her? Yet, here I am.

I'm thirteen, that age where you feel so grown up, but you're anything but. My hands are playing with the skirt of the tulle purple dress Tommy helped me choose for the dance. Eyes focused out of the living room window, waiting for Lucas to pull up in his mother's car. He's made good work of winning me over in the last few years, and tonight is the night I'm hoping he'll finally kiss me for the first time.

The one and only kiss I've had was the one John gave me two years ago. It replays repeatedly in my mind that kiss, knowing that John probably never thinks about it at all. We've never acknowledged it, never talked about it. He just went right back to treating me like Tommy's little sister. I'm not sure why I expected anything else. What did I think he would do? Declare his undying love for me?

"Lexie-Lou, you look beautiful." Tommy walks in to the living room, smiling widely as he takes me in. "When is that boy picking you up?"

"Should be any minute now." I tell him. "And that boy is Lucas."

"You know I don't care what his name is, I just care that he looks after you tonight. And gets you home on time."

"Tommy," my voice comes out as more of an annoying whine. "Please tell me you're not going to interrogate him. I'm not a baby, you know? I can look after myself."

Tommy might be the sweetest person I know, but I'm sure he could scare Lucas to death if he tried. He never seems to stop growing, he's well over 6ft now and towers above me. Not to mention he looks like he's made of pure muscle, much like John. Since joining West Point together, they've both bulked up a lot.

I'm terrified at the prospect of Tommy being shipped off to serve, but he's not phased at all. It's all he's ever wanted to do, and all I've ever wanted is for him to stay here with me. I'll be alone with dad, which is scary enough on its own, but I also just don't know what I'll do without him. From the moment I was born, Tommy took on the role of protector and best friend. And he's been more of a parent to me than dad ever was, especially after mom died.

"I know you're not a baby, but you're still my little sister. I'm allowed to worry about you. If I don't look out for you, who will?"

He flashes me that smile once again, the one that shows his dimples off. That's the smile that has all my friends crushing on him. Well, that and those ocean blue eyes and cheekbones so sharp they look like they could cut glass. We both take after mom in that way.

Tommy is still talking, but I'm no longer listening. My attention is once again out the window, but I'm not looking for Lucas this time. John is walking towards the front door and, like always, I can't look anywhere but at him. Tommy seems to have finally noticed he's lost me, as he turns to see what I'm looking at.

"Oh Lexie-Lou, you're not still making googly eyes at John, are you?" He tugs playfully on a piece of my hair. I've curled it for tonight and it hangs in loose waves around my shoulders.

"Shhhhh!" I hush him, fearing that John will hear. I know my face has turned scarlet, but I can't stop it. "I'm not making googly eyes at him!"

"Good, you better not be. Focus on boys your own age." He's watching me watch John, and I know he sees right through my protests. "It's never going to happen, Lou-Lou. I'd literally have to kill him if he so much as touched you, and then who'd have my back at West Point."