Is the truth better then a dare

Hiding the truth

He kicked down the door and lifted up his gun. He saw that terrified look he saw every time, but still, he lifted his gun and shot him in the head.

Bucky shot up from his nightmare, tears trickling down his face as he started finding it very hard to breathe.

The fact he couldn't breathe was making him panic more and more, getting himself so overwhelmed. He stumbled out of his bedroom and sat outside.

The fresh wind and the cool, quiet atmosphere around him calmed him down. It took a long time, but he was eventually back to his normal breathing state. Mentally, he was still messed up.

The nature seemed to put his mind at rest because he could focus on it.

He went back inside and looked at the time.

2:34

It was early but for Bucky, it didn't matter. He barely slept. Ever. Sometimes he would accidentally fall asleep and the nightmares would happen but he did all he could to not fall asleep.

He didn't wanted to return to his trauma. He did everything in his power to not go there at all. He wouldn't even tell anyone. Not even his best friend, Steve.

So he made a strong coffee and sat outside, drinking it.

He also grabbed some food to give him some form of energy to go about his day.

He never had any proper energy for anything. But he had to pretend he did. He was tired all the time, and just couldn't be bothered to absolutely anything.

But he had to keep all of this a secret.

Act as if he wasn't drained of all energy.
Act as if he wasn't constantly haunted by his past.
Act as if he was happy all the time.
Act as if he wasn't afraid to sleep.
Act as if he was ok.

Keeping the secret made his life ever worse, ever if that was possible.

Thinking about it gave him a headache and just stressed him out. He tried his best to eliminate anything that gave him stress. It was quite hard, giving that he was an avenger. But also because of Sam.

He and Sam didn't get on. They both annoyed each other when they could. Bucky was too tired to keep up with it but he couldn't slip up because people would know something was wrong. So he had to insult Sam all the time to keep his cover.

In all honesty he didn't hate Sam but he really agitated him and just added on to his stress level. Having to deal with him always on his back was really, really annoying and so tiring.

He just wished this 'feud' would end because it would make him feel less tired and less overwhelmed. But there was no way this would ever end.

Bucky had been sat there evaluating his nightmare and his sleep and stress for so long he didn't realise it was morning and people were beginning to wake up.

Steve was down first, and saw Bucky. This was no surprise. Bucky was always up early. No one knew how early clearly, so they all just accepted it and normal. Which is the way it was  perceived.

"Hey Buck, sleep ok?"
"Yeah, fine, you?" Bucky said without hesitation. He had been at this lying game for a very long time.
"Yeah great thanks."

Soon later they other avengers arrived downstairs. Then he arrived. Sam, that is.

"What's up Bucket?" Sam knew these silly nicknames really annoyed him.
Bucky groaned but just ignored him. It was too early for this.
"Hey, no snarky come back?" Sam said expecting something after calling him a bucket.
"Shut up. No one wants to hear your voice." Bucky knew he had to do something.
Sam just rolled his eyes at him and continued on there way.
Nat and Steve glared at each other.

Everyone else was so sick of these two constantly bickering all the time. It was so childish and stupid and caused so many problems. The tension between them was so unbearable and it made it so hard for Steve and Nat when they were best friends with both of them.

Steve and Natasha had talked about more then once. Conspiring ways to get them to be able to at least put up with each other in the same room. 

There was a crash in the kitchen. Sam dropped a plate.

"Off course it was Sam, he can't do anything right." Bucky mumbled, loud enough for Sam to hear.
"What did you just say to me."
"The truth."
And with that Sam went running towards Bucky but Steve and Thor held him back.

"Guys that's enough." Steve shouted at them both.
"Why are you getting involved, Steve."
Bucky snapped at him. Bucky didn't mean to say that, or sound that harsh but he was just to tired and annoyed to have a clear head.

"Don't talk to me like that. You two are causing so much trouble. Why can't you just get along?"

"How do you expect me to get along with him. I don't even know why you are his friend."
Sam tried to go for Bucky again.

"Look, it's him. He takes it too far. And Bucky, maybe you should try making talking to some other people once in a while." Sam stormed out the room, and into his bedroom, and Bucky did the same, hitting Steve's shoulder on the way out.

They bother slammed there doors, loud enough for everyone to hear.

"Well that was a great way to start the morning." Clint said pouring some coffee into a mug.

Bucky broke down as soon as he got into his room.

He couldn't believe how rude he was to Steve. Steve was always there for him and he just snapped at him. He also didn't mean what he was saying about Sam but oh Sam just annoyed him so much it made him so freaking mad. He just wanted to punch something.

But right now he was more sad and disappointed in himself. He was angry with himself. He was ruining all of his friendships and he was sure everyone in that room hated him, especially Steve.

He covered his mouth to stop himself from letting out any crying sounds.

How was he going to face everyone? He couldn't think about facing Steve. Or Sam. He wanted to apologise to them both, but right now, he didn't have the courage to do that.

So he just sat and cried in his room.

Sam was so angry. He didn't understand why Bucky needed to say stuff like that. Sam wasn't a bad person so why was Bucky the one person he just couldn't get along with.

He just wanted to know why he acted like this all the time. It was so annoying.

He didn't hate the guy but just wished they could settle things between them and not fight every time they were in a room together.

He did want to apologise for what he said but he had didn't want to because of his pride.

So Sam just sat in his room, very angry.