"I don't know much about love, but when it comes to you Nya Smith, you're my It Girl. Something about you tells me you're the one. You wanna stay friends though. I'll respect that. But that kiss though. You can't go back to being just friends after...
"...and that concludes my final project: The Lady Iron Dragon." I once again gesture to the newly made motorbike, and the class erupts in applause. From the back of the room, Jay cheers the loudest, and the teacher too, marks a few notes down on their clipboard, giving me a nod of approval. I go to my seat just as the final student takes my place.
I'm enveloped into a tight hug by Jay, who's smile could light up a thousand rooms, "You were amazing,"
"I couldn't have done it without you," I admit. Even with me standing and him sitting at the stools, I'm still shorter by a few inches much to my frustration.
"So do I get my answer?" I look down awkwardly. Indeed I had thought about this long and hard through the course of yesterday and today.
And I finally had my answer.
"Yeah, I do. Listen, Jay. You're awesome, really, but I can't..." His face falls and I inhale shakily, continuing, "...can't do this. Everytime I'm in a relationship all I see is Lloyd all around and it's not going so great for me."
"But you aren't with Lloyd anymore," he points out.
"I really want to be with you-"
He holds my hands gently, "Then be with me. You want it, I want it, so what's stopping you?"
His eyes search mine, eyebrows furrowed in concern. I couldn't bring myself to look at him, and I slowly pulled away.
"I just think that...we're better off as friends for now."
"But why won't you give us a try?" He asks in a sad tone. I blink quickly, my toes curling inwards.
"Because being with Lloyd broke me," I whisper, "And I just need some time to come back from that, and what you and I have now, it's good. And I don't wanna fuck it all up over a relationship."
"So every chance you get at love, you're just gonna push it away?"
"What? I'm not pushing love away!"
"Really? Because you're pushing me away right now! Please, give us a chance. We can take this slow, see where it goes."
Shaking my head, I pull away from Jay's hold.
"I...I have to go."
Tears in my eyes, I tug the strap of my bag tighter, walking out of the classroom and leaving behind a heartbroken Jay.
***
Kai isn't home from wherever it is he's at. Good. I could use some moments alone. I flop onto the sofa, hugging the cushion, letting the tears fall.
I love Jay. Jay loves me. It was the perfect solution. It broke my heart saying no, and it broke his too.
But it was for the best.
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