.Finally a Mother.

.Nine.

**TRIGGER WARNING - mention of eating disorder, anxiety, panic attack, fainting

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*The next morning*

Emily woke up around 7am and found that Eva was grasping tightly onto her left arm. She didn't want to wake the child up, so she just laid there and watched the small girls eyes move back and forth rapidly. Emily felt so bad for everything Eva had been through. She was glad to be there for her, but also wished she could take all her pain away.

Suddenly Emily felt Eva's grip on her arm tighten even more. She watched the girl start breathing heavier than she was. Emily placed a hand on Eva's cheek and caressed it with her thumb. Eva's eyes started to open slowly. As soon as she realized how tightly she was holding on to Emily's arm, she released it immediately and looked at her mother with sorrow in her eyes. "I'm so sorry. I hope I didn't wake you again." Eva said to Emily as she gradually shifted away from her.

"You didn't sweetheart. You don't have to worry about that. I will wake up with you as many times as you need me to." Emily said trying to ease her daughter's mind. "Should we get up and get some breakfast?" Emily asked, changing the subject.

"I'm not very hungry. But thanks anyway." Eva responded slowing turning away from Emily.

"I was afraid that you would say that." Emily stated as she pulled the covers back and got out of bed. Eva turned her head to watch her, which Emily noticed. "I'm not going anywhere but the bathroom. I'll be right back, okay?" She knew the child didn't want to be alone. Eva nodded back at her slowly and turned away again. Emily headed to the bathroom. When she came back out she heard Eva sobbing quietly. She quickly went over to the side of the bed Eva was laying on and knelt down beside her head. "Honey, tell me what's going on inside that head of yours." Emily said gently.

"I can't." Eva said, her eyes becoming glossy. Ever since Emily started fostering Eva, she had become even more aware of how much emotion children's eyes show. She started stroking Eva's hair and noticed the isolation in her eyes. She knew that Eva was trying her best to remain unattached to Emily, which was breaking both of their hearts. Eva wanted so badly to let Emily in, and Emily knew that.

"Eva, I know you don't want to let me in right now, but I want to help you process all of this. Every last thing." Eva closed her eyes and let a single tear fall across the bridge of her nose, onto her pillow. "I will be here for you whenever you're ready to talk to me." Emily said, doing the best she could to comfort her. "Can you tell me what you need from me in the meantime? Do you want me to stop talking? Do you want me to stay here? Do you want me to lay down with you and hold you?" As soon as Emily said that Eva nodded her head. Emily stood up and walked around to her side of the bed and laid down with her again. She gently pulled the small girl into her body and wrapped her arms around her. "Is this okay?" Emily wanted to make sure that she wasn't hurting her ribs. Eva didn't say a word but started to sob into Emily's chest. "Oh, honey I'm so sorry. Would you feel more comfortable talking to a therapist? Or maybe even one of my friends from work?" Emily asked and Eva's breathing and crying slowed down.

"Yeah, maybe." Eva felt very overwhelmed and she knew she would need to talk to someone. But she was too afraid that if she told Emily how she really felt, that she wouldn't want her anymore. This was something that Emily wasn't aware the girl was feeling.

"Which one? A therapist or friend?" Emily wanted her to clarify since she didn't seem like talking to her at all.

"One of your friends I guess." This answered surprised Emily.

"Okay, well, these are your options. We have Reid, he's the smartest person I know. There's Derek, he's tough and strong on the outside but a complete softie on the inside. Then there's JJ. She's a mom, so she's good at handling children. Penelope is a very bubbly person, probably the kindest person I've ever met. And lastly, Hotch. He's usually pretty busy with work stuff but I could ask him if you wanted me to. The choice is yours." Emily watched the young girl look at her directly in her eyes. She could tell she was weighing her options.

"Penelope." Eva felt like she needed a kind person to talk to. She didn't know her, but something felt right about picking her.

"She will be perfect for you to talk to." Although Emily was proud that she chose someone to talk to, she felt a little disappointed that Eva didn't want to talk to her. She knew it was good for her no matter what, but she still felt very helpless. "Would you like to meet her for lunch somewhere today? I can call her and see if she's available." Eva nodded. "Okay, I'm going to go call her, I'll be right back, okay?" Emily asked the girl. She nodded in response. As Emily stepped in to the hallway to call Penelope, she couldn't help but to let a few silent tears run down her face. She felt like she was doing everything wrong. She just wanted to help Eva and it wasn't that she couldn't, Eva just didn't want help from her. This crushed Emily but she didn't want Eva to know it was killing her inside.
The two are similar in that way. Trying to protect the other from themselves and their feelings.

Emily got off the phone with Penelope and went back into the bedroom. To her surprise Eva was sitting up on her side of the bed. "Penelope said she would love to meet you for lunch and talk to you. So let's get ready, yeah?" Emily helped Eva get dressed and they went to meet Penelope for lunch.

When they arrived at the cafe, things got a little out of control. They got out of the car as Penelope walked up to them and Emily introduced them to each other. "Okay, Pen, just send me a text when you guys are done and I'll come pick her up." Emily told Penelope.

"WAIT, you can't leave!" Eva started panicking and she couldn't stop it. Her anxiety was so high. "You can't leave, please" she started crying and grabbing at Emily. She knelt down and gently embraced the girl. "I want to go home, I don't feel well." Emily noticed that her breathing was erratic and her face was pale. Emily knew Eva was having a panic attack. Then, before she knew it, the girl became limp in her arms.

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Word count: 1185