what once was

day one

"Your routine mostly consisted of working out early in the morning then coming back home to shower, have breakfast and leave for work."

"I never thought of myself as one of those waking up at 5am people." I chuckled.

"You weren't but Mr Dos Santos helped you get in shape. You lost almost 45lbs from then on you both became consistent with that lifestyle. It was his lifestyle but you fit right into it with him. You always told me that he helped you love yourself and always strive to be better in every way."

There was silence as I thought to myself.

"After everything you've told me, Florence. I feel as though, he is the only male experience I've ever had. Probably why I did not want to sign the papers or let him go like he said." The mood was suddenly somber, I feel oddly embarrassed for causing someone so much displeasure that they had to beg me to let them go. I could sense every bit of his frustration in the way that he spoke to me or acted around me. It had only been the second day, I was trying my best to try and reminisce anything that I could.

"Tinder would be a good start." She joked.

"Once I actually know who I am, it would." I laughed along. She returned the gesture wiping the kitchen counter top. I shrugged my shoulder heaving a sigh as I held onto my now lukewarm cup of coffee. Florence was an absolutely wonderful kind lady who had made my stay nothing but splendid this far.

"You know, you did not always have it all. I understand, you woke up and came back home to this beautiful home and everything seems as if it was a breeze. You've definitely seen your worst days. From both of you sharing a cramped bachelor's apartment downtown to Mr Dos Santos selling his late father's home in Lisbon just so you could get through school. He would work tireless long shifts at different bars so you could both get by. You did the same for him too, you would do so many freelance writing jobs just so he could have enough money to get his California Real Estate Licence. It took time but you always had each other. You were both so dedicated to changing your reality."

"Well that clearly wasn't enough." I replied thoughtfully.

"I remember when you graduated and he surprised you with your first car."

A picture of Lorenzo spinning me around in his arms as I held onto my graduation cap, emerged. Nothing else except that moment. I felt butterflies swamp in my stomach with an unfamiliar feeling of glee that gave me goosebumps. My body was clearly head over heels in-love with this man. I did not even know him, or remember the life we both shared. How had a small memory given me goosebumps? The worst thing about not having a memory would have to be reliving love and heartbreak all over again for the second time. One more time, I told myself. Just one more time then we can move on.

"It was a... Ford Focus!!!" I abruptly yelled excited.

She grinned. "Yes! yes! There you go. It's all coming back to you Mrs. Dos Santos."

"I can't wait to tell Lorenzo, I remembered."

"I'm sure he will be pleased to hear that."

I tried to remember anything else besides that but nothing else came. I was more excited that there was hope, I wasn't a lost cause. I was going to get my memory back.

—

It was late in the evening. I had exhausted everything else I could do around the house. I had toured every room except the main bedroom. I understood that with boundaries came privacy. Surprisingly, I had found a novel laying around. Since then I had been glued to it's pages. I loved the idea of love, I loved the idea of romance and a happy ending. It distracted me from my reality. Nora Robert was quite the good author. I'd certainly ask Lorenzo to buy me more of her books just to keep myself occupied.

"May I come in?" He interrupted.

I looked up from my book.

"Of course." I said putting my book down. With his hands in his pockets, he steadily walked around the spacious room.

"I've been thinking about you all day..." he paused. "This amnesia of yours, how it's going to affect our lives forever. I couldn't even list the house, that I had a private showing for. It was a big deal, but I think I blew it."

"I'm sorry." He looked at me making eye contact, I turned to look at anything other than him. "I'm not your patient, you don't need to worry about me. Life doesn't have to revolve around my memory loss. You're allowed to live your life how you see fit. I won't hinder that."

"It feels like you're someone else, someone I've never met before. I don't know you anymore Soraya..."

"I understand, granted I don't know myself either... but i have good news."

"What is it?"

Suddenly we interrupted.

"Babe, it's confirmed. You will be the front cover of GATEWAY Magazine. I just spoke to the editor and he said it's been approved for publishing. They absolutely loved your interview. TOP SAN FRANCISCO REAL ESTATE AGENTS RANKED : LORENZO DOS SANTOS..." the woman yelled at the top of her lungs. She was beautiful, dressed in a formal female suit. Her brown hair tied in a pony tail, spectacles at the bridge of her nose. They looked good together, I smiled fondly at them. Just as I did, a memory hijacked my thoughts.

— 5 years ago.

He got home at exactly 3:40 am. As soon I heard the keys, I smiled beneath the blankets knowing he would undress. Join me in bed, pull me into his arms, kiss my temple and ask me how my day was. I'd always say good, in sleepy daze; he'd kiss me good night.

"Did you get my magazine?" He whispered.

I nodded and pointed at the bedside. He had some weird obsession with GETWAY magazine. I'd always get it for him on my way back from class. He had the morning off, he'd always read it while having his coffee and complaining about our dingy apartment, the hot water wasn't working. The elevator worked sometimes, someone was stealing our mail. Rent kept going up. GETWAY magazine featured travel, accommodation, listings, home interior and property finder. Seemingly everything Lorenzo was passionate about.

"Bello (beautiful), one day I will be a feature."

"I know, I know. You say that all the time and I know you will. Get some sleep." I kissed him good night, he smiled in between the kiss before switching off the beside lamp and pulling me into his arms once more.

—

I felt a tingling sensation right below my eyes. As I watched them celebrate. I felt like a bystander, so I excused myself into the en-suite bathroom. I felt heavy sadness, not understanding where it was coming from. Every time, I remembered something it absolutely broke me. I finally understood the phrase, ignorance is bliss. I much much preferred ignorance. If just one memory had me, tearing up while splashing my face with cold water. I was much better off ignorant to it all.

—

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