what once was

day ten

She wasn't going to make this easy for me. There was no way I'd convince her otherwise. Her eyes stayed rooted on my stomach before reaching my eyes. I could definitely see the similarities between her and her son. A part of me wanted to confront Lorenzo, if I signed the papers why had he continued to lie to me and convince me... I was the obsessed one in this marriage. I was trying my best to remember my old self. I was still clueless but hearing that I held onto a cheating man for so long did not sound rational to me. I wouldn't— I didn't think I would. A feeling within me did not feel at peace knowing that. It proved to be true, I had been the one to ask for divorce papers and sign them. What was my plan from there? I asked myself. What was my plan right now at this very moment? I wanted to reach out to my family. I wanted to ask for my car. I wanted to visit my work place and perhaps get a bigger picture of what life once was. I wanted my cell phone. I wanted to speak to old friends anyone who knew me before this happened. Paula was the reason why I lost my memory. Lorenzo was aware and he kept protecting her. I wasn't of importance to him. If he had any human decency, he wouldn't have continued bringing her to sleep in what once was our marital bed. Knowing very well she tried to hurt me. I had signed the papers and slept in a separate bed from her boyfriend. What had I done that made her do this to me? She had no reason to. Perhaps Lorenzo had lied and told her, I was obsessed and did not want to let him go.

This made me laugh out loud. Anyone looking at me would assume, I was becoming mad. His family is racist and so is he from what I gather but he has no problem sleeping with me while telling the rest of the world how he has been single for the last two years. This was probably meant to be my eye opener, I had been used and I can only assume if this accident had not occurred. I would have never know how embarrassed he is and how he avoids introducing me to people in his life.

I shrugged looking around the garden with a cup of coffee in one hand. I couldn't sleep, morning sickness had woken me up right after 5am with so much agony. It was probably supper from last night. I tried my best to hold it in but just the taste of cheese had me wanting everything I'd eaten to come back up. I wouldn't give it a chance, not with his mother staring at me dead in the eye on that dinner table. Deciding those were enough thoughts. I should probably get back inside and shower, I walked right into Lorenzo's mother and Paula. Oh, they had finally met? Before I could take another step, I heard her whisper to Paula.

"You're a home-wrecker! I will not allow you to destroy my son's marriage. You will not succeed, you think you have but you haven't. Lorenzo loves that girl and you'd be very stupid to turn a blind eye when it's as clear as daylight. Whatever he promised you, he lied—"

Paula smiled gently laying a hand on the old woman's shoulder. "With all due respect, you're his mother but I don't think you know your son the way I have for the past two years. You knew him back then when you were so poor; he had to cling onto that poor girl for a green card just at the thought of returning to Portugal penniless. People are allowed to change. I'm looking forward to us becoming family. We both love Lorenzo and want what's best for him."

His mother's face dropped.

"No, Lorenzo would never do that! What do you get from all this lying... my son is kind, hardworking and compassionate—"

"Yes yes, undoubtedly Lorenzo is hard working. I agree but clearly so hardworking, he couldn't stand the thought of renewing visas for the rest of his life. Who knows how long it would have taken for him to finally be considered for permanent residency. This was much much simpler." Paula muttered clearly proud of herself. "He is smarter than you give him credit for."

— couple of years ago.

"I didn't know he would be coming in today!!!" Lorenzo whispered in a panicked voice. The knocking continued. I was afraid but we had to see it through. We started this, it was far too gone to back out.