Hate, actually ✔

Chapter 23

"I am afraid that if
I open myself, I will not
stop pouring. (Why do I
fear becoming a river?
What mountain gave me
such shame?)"

-  Jamie Oliveira

●●●

A couple of days have passed since Leo and I had a full blown conversation in the book den. He's been so busy covering all the work he'll miss once we're looking after Kira this weekend.

Even though Leo has quite the number of staff at his residence, none of them are qualified or trained to look after a baby (Myrtle - who has the most time on her hands - has no children of her own) and Leonardo and I don't want to look for a child minder because it takes time to get to know someone you're comfortable trusting.

Steve and Lauren are here at the penthouse today to drop Kira off. They're currently filling Leo and I in (and the staff, who will be assisting us) on exactly how to warm Kira's milk, how to burp her and change her diapers, etcetera. That day in the book den, Leo and I watched tons of videos in preparation for babysitting Kira, and we agreed to watch even more in our spare time separately.  I'm pretty confident we can keep Kira alive but I'm still scared out of my mind.

"If there's anyone I would trust to watch my baby girl, its you two," Steve says - as if it's no big deal - when we're walking them out to the driveway.

Lauren turns to him. "I know right? They're parents already, minus the kids."

Leo and I exchange a look of horror.

We bid our goodbyes to Lauren and Steve and then the fear of responsibility comes crashing down on us in the biggest wave. Leo looks terrified as he's eyeing Kira in my arms like she's an atomic bomb that's just been couriered to his place. I feel like I'm a bit more level headed about this than he is because I actually want to laugh at the look on his face. He's too scared to even hold her.

I mime as if I want to hand Kira over to him and he jerks so far back from me that I'm immediately sent into a fit of laughter. Kira is giggling now, too. He is so ridiculous.

"What are you going to do when you have kids of your own?" I ask him trying not to laugh as we make our way back to the penthouse. "You have to hold her at some point."

Leo is glaring at me. "You caught me off guard. I'll hold her when I've psyched myself up."

I shake my head at him, beyond amused.

At the front door, Myrtle wheels Kira's stroller over to me so I can set her in it. Lauren advised that Kira's chunky form can get super tiring to carry and putting her in the stroller will help with that. Apparently Kira absolutely loves being in her stroller, too which is a plus.  The penthouse is huge, so there will be plenty of space to wheel it around.

"I'll push the stroller for you," Leo offers.

I let him push it, smiling encouragingly.

He turns to face me. "We can put her bed thingy in my room if you don't mind sleeping there again this weekend."

I'm blushing. Hard. "Uh, yeah uhm sure."

"Myrtle can instruct some of the ladies to pack a few of your clothes and toiletries to bring upstairs," he says, amused.

He knows I get flustered about sharing a room with him, never mind an entire bed. I simply nod, too embarrassed to speak.

By 'some of the ladies', I almost forgot Leo meant the other staff that work for him. They don't live here but some of them come in everyday for work and then leave. The entirety of them are usually called in for events and bigger responsibilities alike. Four of them help Myrtle around the main house until they leave around 5 PM. Once a week they dust and clean the other unoccupied parts of the vast penthouse as well.

Leo is so scared of babysitting Kira that he's called all seven (sans Myrtle, who's already here) of them all in to help out. I laugh every time I think about it. If I knew Leo was this terrified of babies, I would have voluntarily baby sat Kira long back.

Now, here is the dilemma. I'm not sure I'm experienced enough to carry a baby up the staircase - Kira is pretty heavy and I'm so afraid I will drop her. The stroller obviously can't be taken up the stairs with her in it, that'd be far too dangerous. However, Leo is more than strong enough to carry her weight up to his room.

"Leo, you have to carry her up the stairs, what if I'm not strong enough?"

He looks at me funny. He has this small smile on his face that looks like he's sharing an inside joke with himself.

"Did you just call me Leo?" He asks.

"Yeah, do you not like that nickname or som-"

"No," he interrupts, "I like it. No one has ever called me that since... Well since my mom. It's always Lee or Leonardo."

I search his face. "Are you sure you don't mind me calling you that?"

Leo is so much easier on the tongue than Leonardo. I feel like I've been calling him Leo all my life.

"I'm sure. I was hoping that when you finally came up with a nickname for me, it wouldn't be something everyone uses."

I try to hide my blush behind my now gray hair. "It's better than kitten."

Leo carefully lifts Kira from the stroller once we're at the staircase. "If you didn't snore like a purring kitten, then I wouldn't have to call you that."

I stare in awe as he holds Kira the exact way Lauren showed us to, and he isn't dropping her. He really isn't dropping her.

"Leo... Are you going to drop her?" I ask.

He glances at me for a split second, then back at Kira. "I'm not entirely useless, Sadie. I've held a baby before. Kira is just... Really young. She's only a one. That's what had me a little nervous earlier."

Kira smiles at Leo for absolutely no reason, which makes him chuckle. She is so cute I could faint.

I ask Leo if he's sure he can carry Kira up the stairs without freaking out, but he just gives me a reassuring smile and carries her up the staircase like he's an experienced father of three.

So for the rest of the night, some of the house help bring Kira's cot upstairs (which easily fits through Leo's double oak doors), some of them bring my toiletries and clothes up (which alarms me a little bit because that means I'll be spending the rest of the weekend and Monday morning sleeping on Leo's bed). The rest of the helpers are in the kitchen helping Myrtle with dinner, as per usual.

Just as I've finished warming Kira's carrots and gem squash puree for dinner (the way a couple of YouTube videos taught me how to) my phone starts ringing.

I'm sitting on a plush loveseat in Leo's room, holding Kira, who absolutely refused to sit in her high chair, so naturally I can't grab my phone.

I ask Leo - who is seated beside me with Kira's water - to get my phone in case it's Lauren with more instructions.

He frowns when he looks at the caller ID. It appears to be a FaceTime call.

"We're currently busy, you can call back later," Leo says in a rather unfriendly business tone. It must be Kai.

"What, are two busy doing the horizontal dance or something?" Indeed it is Kai.

I motion for Leo to come back and sit down next to me so I can speak to Kai as I feed Kira.

Leo obliges, but with an eye roll.

"What's up Kai?" I ask, smiling at him before turning back to Kira.

Leonardo is making sure his face is in the FaceTime as well to I don't know- assert dominance? I try to hide my smile.

"I'm in LA. Like officially moved in and everything," Kai says. "House tour?"

"Wait that's insane, Kai. When did you move in? And heck yes, I want a house tour."

Leo takes Kira from my arms to make it easier for me to see the house. Yet, again I ask him if he's sure and he just smiles at me. The setting is so domestic, I almost blush. We look like a young and in love married couple who's just had a baby. It feels so real, I can't help acting like it is.

Moreover, the way Leo is feeding Kira is giving me a trillion and one butterflies. His hands are so beautif-

"Are Lauren and Steve there?" Kai asks when he spots Kira.

I shake my head no. "They went on a road trip and left Kira with us for the weekend."

"I could swear Kira is the two of yours," Kai says begrudgingly, squinting at his screen. "Anyway, I'm excited to show you the backyard. It's my favourite."

So Kai gives us a house tour (Leo comments here and there about Kai's poor decorating skills, to which Kai defends, saying he's not done yet) and over all, this is Kai's best apartment yet. I really love this whole modelling job for him, all of this - it's his own personal dream come true.

Leo actually congratulates him and they tolerate each other better than usual, which surprises me and we all make small talk until Kai hangs up so Leo and I can put Kira to bed.

"You were being pretty nice," I say to Leo, while lowering a half asleep Kira into her cot.

He shrugs. "I was doing it for your sake."

Silence. Kira is fast asleep now.

"Do you ever go out there?" I ask, pointing to his balcony. I'm really trying to distract my mind from what he just said because I will blush. Hard.

It's the fact that he really tries for me that drives me crazy.

Leonardo stares at me for a couple beats. "Yeah, do you want to go?"

I nod. I can tell the view is insane out there.

He leads the way and I follow. We don't close the doors so we can hear if Kira cries.

"Wow," I whisper.

The city lights are so beautiful, it's otherworldly. The penthouse is really high up and everything looks amazing from up here. I can see everything. I can see the makeshift driveway that has a garage door leading to the parking garage.

I can see the car Leo bought for me... He really actually tries for me.

Even the if the car is materialistic, which would normally make me uncomfortable, it's his own special way of showing he cares. A multimillionaire's way of showing they cares, I guess. Money is all he's known for a while now.

I look over at him and he's looking at me. I don't look away in embarrassment like I usually would. His eyes are so beautiful.

"You must be so cold, Sadie. Are you opposed to warmth?" He asks, looking at my bare arms, which are now covered in goosebumps.

"The view's worth it," I say smiling sheepishly.

Leonardo holds his arms open towards me and I look at him in confusion.

"Come here," he says, barely audibly. 

I don't argue. I walk into his arms and he's hugging me without it being for the benefit of the paparazzi or anyone else in the room.

All I know is, I never thought I could be so in love with a single human being.

He pulls back only a little, so he can look at me. "Better?"

I look up at him and nod, smiling. "Better."

He holds my gaze for the longest time and I am so in love with looking at him. I feel like my body is on fire, I have never been in such a trance. I never want him to stop holding me like this. When we're not this close, our noses barely touching, looking into each other's eyes - the world is simply more imperfect than it usually is.

When someone knocks on the main door and Leonardo fully opens his eyes and pulls away from me, that's when I realise he was about to kiss me. Leonardo Romano was about to kiss me and someone's gone and ruined the moment.

He brushes my bottom lip with his thumb, wearing that barley there half smile of his before heading to the door, and I try not to curse whoever it is who's knocking.