Hate, actually ✔

Chapter 27

"Yesterday was heavy,
put it down.

- Anonymous.

●●●

Kai got a call from his manager about some unmissable catalogue opportunity and he left last night. Ever the workaholic, my friend Kai. One day he'll marry his job, I swear it. I wasn't surprised, of course and Leonardo was ecstatic like he won some sort of dual.

Right now, Leo and I are on our way somewhere. He won't tell me where we're going. He got out his Tesla and everything (I damn near choked on my donut when I saw it) and for once, Blade isn't our chauffeur since the car itself will be taking us to our destination. It absolutely blows my mind that a car can do that. I've only ever heard of Teslas, I never thought I'd see one in my lifetime.

Leo is immaculate in a dark gray button up, black jeans and a black dress coat. I'm in a long, thin strap, black silk dress that dips in that layered cool way at the neckline. I paired it with clear Manolo Blahniks and I'm proud to say that Gretchen had no hand in my outfit today.

Leo and I look like one of those couples that only laugh on polite cue but I'm done with feeling a sick sense of guilt for liking this lifestyle that he has introduced me to, like I'm somehow betraying my past self. There is no past self, I'm still me.

My therapist has given me a bunch of affirmations to repeat to my reflection everyday and boy have they worked, despite me laughing at the concept initially. I deserve good things, I deserve to be happy, I deserve to be loved.

Leonardo (the literal love of my love) took a mental note of said affirmations during that therapy session and he'll repeat one or two of them - depending on what's fitting - to me whenever I'm not necessarily feeling my best: "You deserve good things, you deserve to be happy, you deserve to loved."

Because we've relied on each other so much this past month, and because we feel like it'll be beneficial to understand each other more since we're raising a kid together, Leo and I are taking the therapy sessions together - not separately.

Through these same therapy sessions, I learnt that Leo is suffering from his own trauma of losing his mother to cancer when he was fifteen. I learnt that losing Lauren and Steve brought back ugly memories for him. From all of this though, I also learnt how to help him talk about things as opposed to bottling them up and I learnt how exactly I can be there for him.

I can't help but notice that in the most horrible of situations, there actually is a silver lining like those sickeningly positive people are always saying. Leo and I - ever since we met - have gone through so much together, and it is those very horrible things like all the lies, the deceit and loss that have made us as close as we are today. I'm glad I get to spend today with him.

Earlier this evening, the child minder came over so she can watch Kira and once again, Myrtle is to be with them at all times. Apart from that, the CCTV camers will keep letting Leo and I know if this the best route for us to go by when we're away and Kira needs minding. Some may call us paranoid, but Leo and I are justified by our trauma (or PTSD, as our therapist would like to call it) because of how Lauren and Steve's lives were so suddenly taken. Our main focus at the moment is: at any cost, avoid tragedies.

When I steal a glance at him, I notice that by a force of habit, Leo is taking a quick look at the CCTV footage that is running live from his phone. It's not the fact that we think the child minder is some sort of baby killer or anything. It's fact the fact that anything can happen. We've learnt that the hardest way.