request: hii i'm not sure if you're accepting requests rn,,, if you aren't i'm sorry please ignore this djfjdhd could you write a nat x reader based off the song dark red by steve lacy — specifically the lines "don't you give me up / please don't give up / only you, my girl / only you, babe" — kind of like the tiktok trend going on right now
note: this request came from tumblr, but im going to say the same thing i said there. im so sorry if this sucks lmfao.
+ i've got several fics coming up !! kind of excited for you guys to read them, they're sitting in my drafts right now waiting to be proofread :p
i proofread this as quick as i could so any and all mistakes are mine.
warnings: none, a little angsty, not my best writing.
. . .
everyone knew natasha to be a very self-assured woman. she knew everything about herself; what she liked and what she didn't like, who she tolerated and who she trusted. her history with just about everyone she's close with dates back years, sometimes decades. it was very rare that she met someone knew whom she gave her complete trust to.
meeting you caught her by surprise, something that doesn't happen to natasha very often. your presence was refreshing, authentic, new. it was the very thing natasha didn't know she needed in her life.
natasha watched your every little movement any time you were around. you intrigued her, held her attention by the very strand of your hair. something about you was special and she couldn't seem to get enough.
so she allowed herself to have you, to enjoy you, to be with you. over a year into the friendship, you suggested the idea of becoming something more than just platonic. you wanted a relationship with the woman.
natasha accepted your proposal with a bright smile and a gentle kiss on the lips. she'd been more than relieved you asked her because the false belief that she was undeserving trampled any courage she had.
it was hard to know when something was truly bothering natasha, but sometimes you were able to see the light dull in her eyes, or the uncontrollable fidgeting she'd accidentally let slip.
which is exactly what you were dealing with now. for the past few months you'd begun to notice a slight change in natasha's demeanor. little by little she began to distance herself in ways she knew would be looked over, at least for a short amount of time.
natasha started out small. rather than having her face meet yours, she'd turn her back against your front while you slept. she couldn't bear to look at someone who deserved so much better than what she could ever offer.
you meant the entire world to natasha, she would quite literally do anything to protect you. that being said, natasha felt the need to protect you from her.
a couple of weeks after her initial push back, you noticed the way she'd flinch when you tried to hold her. it was almost invisible, but you knew natasha more intimately than anyone else ever had, which made it easier to recognize all the small things everyone else missed.
then you caught onto the fact that she started leaving the bed early in the morning, as if she was promising herself not to see you. natasha also started to work more. longer hours, nights she had to be away, and minimal effort to keep in touch kickstarted the fighting.
just as everything else did, it started off on a smaller scale. you'd send texts clearly stating how upset you were by her choice of actions. natasha would always have some stupid excuse on hand as a response though.
things began to escalate when natasha willingly booked her days off into cheap motels that reeked of cigarettes. the redhead would often find herself sitting on the floor beside her bed, breath saturated in store-bought vodka. the russian felt cheap and disposable, just as she did when she was a kid being used by the hands of a man with no morals.
