hi! if you guys have any requests feel free to dm or comment. i'll pretty much write anything mental health related or anything else. lacking inspo kinda so i want to see if that'll help. also someone please be my friend </3.
OH. YALL ARE KILLING ME WITH THE TIKTOK QUESTIONS. PLEEK. LIKE FIVE PEOPLE HAVE ASKED IF IM SOMEONE FROM TIKTOK AND MY CURIOSITY IS KILLING MEEEEEESEE. pls comment their user i'll love u 4ever n ever pleeeeeek.
#anyways
note: mostly made this for my own comfort, but i do hope it helps and/or comforts any fellow lesbians :]. i normally wouldn't specify sexualities on any characters because obviously everyones going to feel differently about different characters, but like i said, this started off for my own comfort bcs i was hashtag goin through it.
prompt: basically just reader struggling to accept themselves as a lesbian. sorry non lesbians :(
warnings: heavy heavy heavy on internalized lesbophobia. talks about comphet (trying to force oneself to like men) and wanting to be 'normal'
. . .
you were wrestling with something, natasha could tell that much. your eyebrows were drawn together, eyes lost in a gaze. it wasn't until the third time tony called your name when you snapped out of it.
"sorry," you mumbled.
"well are you going to answer the question?"
natasha noted the tapping of your foot, knuckles cracking beneath the table. it was obvious you weren't in the right state of mind to be answering any kind of question. foolishly, no one else picked up on that except for the redhead.
"what was the question?"
tony sighed, his patience growing thinner by the second.
"i asked if your report was done. it was supposed to be handed in three days ago, remember?"
your foot tapped faster.
"yeah- yeah, i'm almost finished."
it wasn't like you to be so late on things like this, you were usually on top of everything.
"you told me you would have it ready by today. this is the fourth time this month that you've done this. you're dragging your ass and the rest of us are getting pretty tired of it." a collective agreement could be heard from the team. all eyes were on you waiting for a reply.
if you hadn't felt anxious before, you most definitely did now.
"it won't happen again." tony blew off your statement and rolled his eyes. you shifted uncomfortably, nauseous from all the negative attention.
you couldn't help but wonder if they knew. maybe that's why they were being so short. it made sense after all.
natasha tried making her way towards you, but she was stopped by steve's hand on her shoulder. you were well past gone by the time she managed to scramble away from him.
your back pressed flatly against the wall, tears steadily falling down your face. hatred was all you felt. hatred towards yourself.
why couldn't you be like the rest of them? why didn't you belong?
whywhywhywhywhywhy
granted, you knew there was absolutely nothing wrong with being gay. that was never the issue. the issue was the fact that it was yourself, that there was no possibility for you to ever be attracted to men.
you were sure it would be a phase, that it would pass, that you would forget about it and never think about it again. you tried to go on dates, tried to form a relationship, tried to enjoy having sex with them. none of it worked, no matter how much you forced yourself to believe it would.
