2/2
warnings: same as the last chapter
word count: 1.9k
. . .
the first few of weeks at natasha's house were fine. you tried really hard not to think about all the changes happening. like being monitored 24/7, or having to abide by natasha's rules all the time, or knowing that you were growing to be healthy.
it was okay, at first.
you hardly put up a fight when it came down to her rules. even meal time seemed to go without a hitch.
but as many people have said before, all good things cone to an end.
the second you woke up today, you could already tell it wasn't going to be fun. everything you'd pushed aside came crawling back, and you could feel every insecurity of yours heighten a thousand times worse than before.
nat's arms rest gently around your waist, and while it normally felt reassuring, you couldn't help but notice the extra weight you'd put on.
you still felt overly full from last night. if natasha woke up right now, you were positive she could feel how expanded your stomach was.
(god, you did not want her to feel how bloated you still were.)
now you knew there was nothing wrong with having a stomach, especially one that wasn't flat or as unwell as yours had become. but it was your body, and your body felt wrong.
feeling natasha's breath on the back of your neck, you gingerly began removing her arm from your body. however, your plan quickly failed when natasha pulled you in closer, her grip tightening around you.
you bit your lip to suppress your cries. you needed out and you needed out right now.
things quickly became unbearable. the longer you felt trapped, the more your body began to tremble. and though you despised it, you turned around to face natasha, your head buried in the crook of her neck.
the thoughts were loud. much louder than they had been the past few weeks.
you tried to keep your cries to a low level, but that didn't seem to work. natasha awoke within the very same minute. her first instinct was to check on you, but seeing as tears were streaming down your face she knew what the problem was.
nat pulled you closer to her, letting her right hand rub the backside of your body in an attempt to calm you down.
"hey now, it's okay, it's alright. you're okay, you're safe, you're here. i'm here." you continued to sob, letting every detail of your own self hatred slip from your mouth.
natasha wasn't surprised at the outburst. she knew you would have days like this, more days would soon follow. that was reality. she didn't expect your recovery to be perfect, if it was then she would know you weren't really getting better - simply putting on weight to please her.
nat couldn't take away your pain (although she wished she could), but she could be there, offer you her love and support, coax you through meals when you needed her to.
when you'd finally calmed down you turned away from her, suddenly embarrassed at how you acted. she could feel you tense back up again, a failed attempt at blocking her out.
it was nat, who were you to think she couldn't read you like an open book?
nonetheless, she kissed the back of your head and moved out from under the covers. "i'm going to make breakfast, i'll be back."
