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+ "don't lie, your dimple usually shows when you're actually smiling. what's wrong?" & drawing on nat's back.
warnings: talks depression, poor self care. not proofread but i didn't give moli a chance sorry moli :3 mistakes are mine.
note: this didn't exactly turn out the way i wanted it to, but oh well. i'm so sorry if you don't like this bc tbh its not my fav work of mine :(
+ also i think something has been similarly written with painting on nat back, so whoever wrote that i'm not trying to steal your idea!! i just thought the idea was a cute one :p
++ so sorry this took so long to get out, i just now got my computer! also @tvduworldd has got a new book out for marvel imagines so feel free to check that out :p
. . .
winter months were always hard for you. the weather was cold, the sky was grey, and the air around you was crisp, unforgiving almost.
everything was dim, lifeless it seemed. and it was no surprise when you found yourself unable to get out of bed. nothing seemed important enough to handle, even the small things like showering or eating or changing your sheets. it was too much.
things didn't improve much knowing natasha wouldn't be back for another few weeks. she was a thousand miles away with minimal contact and you didn't want to bother her when you were finally able to call her.
but things were tough, you could hardly eat, get up to shower, wash your clothes, or do anything else that involved you having to leave your bed. the others took notice, but you were quick to brush them off with a gentle reassurance. no one believed you though, and it was up to wanda to send natasha a message about what was going on.
another two weeks went by before you were finally in natasha's arms again. she greeted you with a kiss to the forehead, mumbling how much she missed you.
you tried to keep your act up around her, making attempts to fix her breakfast or do her laundry for her. but natasha could see right through you, just as everyone else did.
"baby?" she called out, snapping your attention away from your thoughts.
"yeah?"
"think you could turn around and face me? i know how much you like kisses while we snuggle anyway." natasha could tell you were hesitant, but didn't comment on it.
you nodded, turning your body to face her, burying your face between the crook of her neck.
"i think we should talk about what's going on. don't worry, i'm not going anywhere."
you wracked your brain for any excuse you had because even though you knew natasha knew, you weren't going to give in at the snap of a finger.
"i'm okay, natty. i just missed you is all." you plastered on your best smile.
she pursed her lips, "don't lie, your dimple usually shows when you're actually smiling. what's wrong?"
"i just missed you, that's it." you tried again.
"i don't think that's what's really going on here baby. you can tell me anything, you know." natasha pushed once more.
"nothing's going on. whatever anyone told you has got it messed up." she quirked her eyebrow, "oh really now?"
"i'm okay, nat."
"no you aren't. let me help you, talk to me sweetheart." her lips kissed the top of your head for the third time that night. you bit the inside of your cheek, nuzzling your face under her chin. should you tell her? or should you not?
and finally you caved.
"i'm just so tired, nat."
"of what?"
"everything. my mind is a mess right now and i don't know how to make it stop." the sound of your voice pinched a hole in natasha's heart. she placed a small kiss to your cheek, "i'm sorry baby."
"s'okay." you mumbled.
"how have you been taking care of yourself while i was gone? be honest with me please." she pleaded, but all you could do was shrug.
"how's your eating been?"
"not great, i'm sorry." your lip quivered. "hey, no, don't apologize. what can i do to help?" you thought about it for a moment before something finally came to mind.
"would you be willing to do something kinda.. i don't know, weird?"
"what's that, sweetheart?" she smiled.
"can i draw on your back?"
another kiss was placed to your head.
"of course. no dicks, okay? you know i'm a lesbian." natasha giggled, letting you crawl out from her death grip around your body.
"i promise natty."
you rushed to get the washable markers hidden under your nightstand, giving natasha a sheepish smile when you noticed her watching you.
"you like to color?" she teased, flashing you her signature smirk.
"sometimes..."
natasha took off her shirt and unclipped her bra, tossing them to the side of your shared bed and laid flat on her stomach. not a minute later she felt the weight of your hips against her back and the tips of your markers drawing line after line against her skin.
she let out a small giggle after the first few strokes, commenting on the fact that it tickled her back.
"what are you drawing anyway?" your lips met her shoulder blade, "it's a surprise."
another twenty or so minutes went by and you were done. however, when you went to check on natasha she was already fast asleep. you quickly snapped a picture of her back to show her the next morning before quietly putting away your supplies.
a part of you felt better, but there was definitely a long way to go. one night of using a coping skill wasn't going to fix you, but with natasha's help you knew you'd be able to pull yourself out of it.
