Wonderland (Kaneki x Touka)

Kaneki - END

There was nothing I wanted more than to have Touka healthy again. I mean, the Touka I had now was... different. She was spluttering words and breathing like she'd forgotten how to. The thing was... her breathing stopped after a while. I couldn't believe the way she'd fought moments before I'd arrived. I saw the many doves lying around us, dead.

Now Touka had joined that body count.

I couldn't handle the fact that she'd gotten sent to her death. By me. There was so much that we could have done together. We could have bought a pretty house, and we could have attempted to make a family. We could have had a one eyed ghoul like myself, and it would be strong. It would grow up strong.

It would be a baby girl, and she would be able to kick more ass than her mother. She would be the most beautiful girl anyone had ever met.

Now, I couldn't have any of that. I only had memories. If I gave up now, I was giving up on Touka. I couldn't have that. She'd want me to keep living on. I would live for her. I would live so that she could live with me. She would like that, I'm sure.

----

We'd won the battle. The war. It was over. Everything was perfect. Everything... except one thing. I'd broken down about two seconds ago, and the tears wouldn't stop any time soon. The screaming, and the wall punching quickly followed. The tearing of other people's throats came after.

Then, there was silence. There was nothing but the sound of rain.

"The rain is quite nice, isn't it?" I asked myself as I climbed onto the roof of the building. It was slippery, but I didn't care much. Touka had liked it up here.

"Here, Touka. Take in this sight for the last time, because we are going to move. Won't that be nice?" I took a deep breath, throwing my arms out. "Won't it?!" I was yelling at nothing for no particular reason other than to yell. It felt nice, having all of my frustrations crying out with me. It was like a lion roar.

There was nothing better than hearing your own sadness leaving your body. Releasing you. It was beautiful.

There was nothing better to feel than to live out wishes.

Years and years passed. Touka was only on my mind. Her smiling face, and her bright eyes. The way her skin felt pressed against mine, and the way her fingers seemed to fit into the spaces between mine with ease. It was a beautiful past that I wanted to relive.

There was nothing better than falling in love. It made the world so bright. So colorful. Touka wouldn't want me to mope around without a shirt on all day. She'd want me to go to college - and so I did. I began to go to college once again. I started to live a normal life. I carried around a photo of her, and I spoke to her often. Sometimes I could imagine her reply. Like an eyeroll, or a small smile. A huff, or a flick of her hair.

"Ah, Kaneki..." She would say, "You're being stupid again..." But I wouldn't have any kind of reply for that, so I would kiss her and ask, "Was that stupid?"

"No. Not at all." She'd reply. "Do it again." She'd try to hide the begging in her voice, but it was there. Clear as day. Then we'd kiss again.

Again.

Again.

Until there was nothing but the two of us, kissing, lost to the world.

There was nothing better than falling in love. There was nothing better than the rain.

"Oh, wow..." I cocked my head to the side as the spoon floated over to my cup. "I told you to stop messing with my coffee." I scolded Touka as she materialised on the bench. I smiled at her. This was her final resting place - at Anteiku. I could see her, and we would speak, and touch, and kiss. We would do everything, but we couldn't leave Anteiku. As long as this old building stood... we could be together.

"I can't help it." She smiled. "You get so frustrated. Hinami just cries and screams about ghosts."

"Well, that's what you are." I laughed at her pout.

"Kaneki? Who are you talking to?" The old man asked me. I smiled.

"No one, pops." I laughed at his face. No one else could see Touka, or hear her.

They all called her a figment of my imagination. "It's not Touka?" He asked. I shook my head. "Myself, really." I answered.

"Oh. Okay." He huffed as he turned on his heels and left. "Could you take these to her grave today? Go with Hinami, too. She wants to ask Touka a question." I just nodded, and slid on my coat. I grabbed Hinami, and we stalked out with the flowers.

----

"Hey, Touka..." Hinami crouched beside Touka's grave. "I've been wanting to ask this for a long time, now..." She trailed off, chewing her lip. "But are you ever coming back?" Tears stung her eyes. "I know that Kaneki can see you. It's not fair. Not fair." She sobbed. "I want to see you too. I love you, I love you, I love you!" The sobbing forced her entire body down towards the ground. "I just want to see you again. So please."

"Don't put so much pressure on Touka, Hinami." I said softly. "She has things she needs to do."

"I.. I know. I'm sorry, Touka." She sobbed. "I love you." She left the flowers on the grave, and rose to her feet.

"You know, even though I see you... I know it isn't you." I said as Hinami walked away. "Just tell me when you're ready, and we can get this started." I said, grabbing out the quinque knife.

I could've sworn I heard Touka scream as I plunged it through my ribs and into my heart.

Essentially, I killed myself for her. It didn't kill me right away though, which was weird. "No, Kaneki..." Her lips brushed against mine as she yanked out the blade. "Live. For me."

I love you, you crazy bastard.

----------------------------

Hey, everyone! I'm thinking of putting in a bonus chapter or two here where Touka doesn't actually die, and everything turns out just fine. It'll be split into three or four different chapters, and will be a much brighter ending. So, if you'd like some of that vote or comment!

Thanks for reading, love you.

{Ace}