Katsuki Bakugou
The room was an ocean of silence. Threading through the waves of the ineluctable ambience, Bakugou's thoughts swished with the waves and filtered down into the depths of the water. Thoughts swam and swirled around his mind, and he idly watched them weave together and unravel.
He wants everyone to think he's fine. He's hiding some dark secrets behind the mask. Probably deals with one helluva lot of self-loathing. What's he thinking? Dammit, what else is he hiding? Does he think he'd be better off dead? He fucking needs help, at least. I know he doesn't want it, but his own life might be at stake. Fuck. I'm not good with this kinda shit. What's the right thing to do?
Finally, Todoroki presented a languid shrug as he candidly sighed, "Why is it that my indifference is both my chair and my noose?" His prominent eye bags drooped more than usual from his squinted, hollow stare. "Oh. I..." Blinking unhurriedly, he lifted his head and parted his lips as though to speak. "Ah..."
He really has trouble getting the words out, Bakugou inwardly noted while Todoroki rubbed his thumb against his wrist. Looks like hell. I can tell he's trying. But what he said... What does he mean by that? Shit. His expression wrinkled. Is he beating himself up? How the fuck do you comfort someone? I never fucking comfort people. Guess we're both stepping out of our comfort zones today.
"Oi, it's fine," Bakugou attempted to reassure his classmate. "Don't sweat it. But, hey. I want you to give yourself a second chance, Icyhot." He splayed his sweaty fingers and pressed them into his jeans.
"All right." Todoroki's dead eyes floated up to lock his gaze with Bakugou's.
That is not what I was expecting. "Yer...serious?" Bakugou queried with immense skepticism expanding his vowels.
Todoroki nodded. "You're right. I don't want to feel empty and indifferent forever." His voice was like the wind soughing across the ocean, but his eyes certainly did not reflect that. "But please don't tell anyone about any of this. I... It's... I..." He shakily stood up to his feet, but he was unable to fully obscure how he gritted his teeth and curled his hands into fists. "I-I... Sorry..." His trembling nails sank into his arm.
Fuck, I feel bad for him, Bakugou realized while placing his hand on Todoroki's. He looks like he wants to claw his arm out. Don't open the wounds again. I never see this side of him. Imperfect. Vulnerable. Weak. Helpless. Self-destructive. It's always the opposite.
"You're gonna hurt yourself," Bakugou uttered while gently prying Todoroki's hand away from his arm. "Todoroki." He waited for Todoroki to peer into his eyes. "Listen to me... It's okay not to be okay. It's okay to have all the flaws in the world. It's okay to feel whatever you truly feel. I see the pain in yer eyes and expression. I know you're struggling with more than any human should have to carry. But it's not gonna get better unless you give yourself that second chance. I despise pity, so don't think I'm pitying you. But I'm not fucking okay with how you're treating yourself." Bakugou crinkled his mien into a lour. "You're abusing yourself. There's only so much pain you can endure.
"So what if this is coming from the asshole that never really talked to you until now? I tried to, but I never knew how. But I tore myself apart to win it all. Was it worth it? Oh, hell no. By the time I get the victory I'm after, I've burned myself to the ground, and nothing feels like it matters anymore. All I know is that I won, but who gives a shit if you can't feel a sense of accomplishment? Or anything, for that matter. Oi. Last year and the year before, I abused drugs. I was dependent on them to do anything. That addiction still lingers, but it ain't like it used to be. That past is one hellish path I'm never walking again. I gave myself another chance when I failed instead of doubling down on the hell I'd put myself through. And...it got me out of that dark place."
Todoroki nodded slowly, seemingly lost in thought. "I understand, but the thing is that I'm already out of the dark place I was in before. I'd rather... Never mind. I never would've known you've been through that, but I'm glad it's in the past." He leaned against the counter he stood by.
Bakugou ejected a gruff sigh and swooped his shoulder under Todoroki's arm. "I'm not letting you do this by yourself. Why? You'll end up ripping yourself apart. I'm gonna help you to yer futon. Slowly." Sluggishly did the two shamble over to Todoroki's futon. "But this ain't about me. Listen here, you Icyhot bastard... Now that I know how broken you are, I'm gonna help you put yourself back together, because only you can do that."
With a grimace, Todoroki wedged himself into his futon. "Really, it's fine, Bakugou," he insisted, unenthused.
You told me you were fine before, but if you were really fucking fine, then answer me this: why did I find you with arms torn open with cuts? I really think...that that was a suicide attempt.
"Hey, you Icyhot bastard... I'm not gonna stand by and watch you kill yourself."
YOU ARE READING
Facade | Suicidal Todoroki x Bakugou
Fanfiction"Why is it that my indifference is both my chair and my noose?" Todoroki has lied about being fine to the point where he's replaced his true face with the facade he wears, but one day, an encounter with Bakugou changes his life. Will this encounter...
