Facade | Suicidal Todoroki x Bakugou

24 | No Hope

Shouto Todoroki

Standing just beyond the frame of wood demarcating his dorm from the hallway, Todoroki espied Iida. He'd seldom interacted with Iida that year, but in their first year at U.A., their relationship had been quite different. Needless to say, Todoroki was bemused by the unceremonious presence of Iida rather than Bakugou.

"Hey." Like a hushed autumn breeze soughing through the near-barren trees, Todoroki's voice was cool yet delicately subdued in its brio.

Iida cleared his throat and nudged his glasses back on the bridge of his nose. "It's been quite some time since we've talked," he remarked with a visage that was dampened by the hefty pool of awkwardness drifting about the atmosphere. "How are you doing?"

Although Todoroki abhorred the thought of inviting Iida into his dorm and engaging in what he presumed would be a long conversation that he had no desire to partake in, he nonetheless gestured for Iida to enter his dorm. "Good. Thanks for asking. Ah. How are you?" He swallowed thickly as Iida began to scan his unsightly dorm.

"I'm great, now that you mention it," Iida replied while his eyes settled on the four-fifths-full bin beside Todoroki's desk. "Todoroki, allow me to—"

I almost forgot about this. "Iida, it's fine," Todoroki said with the diminutive traces of a smile twitching across his lips.

Iida swung his arm at the pile of laundry on Todoroki's floor. "Then—"

"Iida." Todoroki forced a smile out of habit; he'd always offered Iida a thin smile whenever Iida insisted on doing his chores for him.

"How about—"

Todoroki shook his head while Iida locked their gazes. "You don't need to do anything for me," he assured his friend. "I appreciate the thought, though."

A radiant grin blossomed on Iida's expression. "Well, know that I'd be happy to do them, if you change your mind," he announced with exultant verve before clearing his throat again. "But I've noticed that you're...much thinner than before. Is everything all right?" His solace was a sword being plunged through Todoroki's chest.

I'm fine now, but there's no hope for me anymore. "Yeah," Todoroki sighed while glimpsing over at his untouched tray of food. "I don't... I... Ah. I... Sorry. I didn't mean to worry you." You assume he would worry about something as useless as you?

Todoroki sat down on the floor as a debilitating surge of lightheadedness shook his body. I don't necessarily like feeling indifferent and numb, and I know my method of feeling like this is terrible for me, but I don't care. I just want the feeling of not feeling anything. And yet, somehow, I can't remember what it feels like to be happy or sad. I've been stuck between the two for so long that I can't tell them apart anymore. Pathetic. I'm so pathetic. I just...give up. I know I'm a failure. I accept it. I'll give in to my bad habits and let them consume me because trying to accomplish anything when I can't even put in the work, and when I know I only see a failure reflected back at me in the mirror again just isn't worth it. It never was, but I kept fighting, thinking that I'd finally win, and where am I now? He shook his head and focused his attention on Iida. I zoned out.

"...th. For instance, an electrolyte imbalance." As he spoke, Iida vertically sliced the air every now and again. "So, I truly hope that you're eating three meals a day, Todoroki."

I can't even hold down one... Bakugou will surely get suspicious if I don't eat the majority of what's on the tray. I could just dispose of everything. Or... No. I'm not getting back into that. As it is, though, I've no hope for myself. I might as well see how deep I can make my grave.