Katsuki Bakugou
From the very first line in Todoroki's poem, Bakugou was taken aback by the immediate establishment of Todoroki's writing style. He read on, nonplussed. Every line and stanza from the poem became phrases to analyze and compare and contrast, and yet, Bakugou found himself simply reading the poem to read it with his piqued curiosity.
"Holy shit," Bakugou gasped while lifting his head and lowering the paper down. "I wasn't prepared for that. Didn't really get to decipher much right off the bat, but..." He descried the poem between his fingers again. "'Specially with the ending, I can see how you put your feelings into it. Damn..." He skimmed over the poem once more and handed it back to Todoroki.
"Is it that bad?" Todoroki sighed as he transferred the paper into a folder in his bag. "I guess it was pretty awful." He grinned with subdued mirth.
There are so many things that his poem could mean... "Oh, hell no," Bakugou replied in a protracted groan. "Did it have to do with the moments you have when you can't get the words out and you start beating yourself up for it?"
"Maybe."
"What about impactful feelings dissolving into yer indifference?"
"Maybe."
"Separate things meaning something but meaning nothing when they all mix together?"
"Maybe."
"The fucking chair you're sitting on?"
"Maybe."
"Oh, for fuck's sake," grumbled the ash-blonde as he combed his hand through his hair. "Look, lemme ask you this: have you ever tried writing a poem with happy thoughts instead of negative ones?" He met Todoroki's gelid gaze.
Todoroki shook his head. "No," he replied with unvarnished words.
"Why?"
I'll bet a million bucks he's gonna struggle to say something, Bakugou thought to himself.
"I don't know. I... I mean... I guess... I just..." Todoroki bit his lower lip in defeat.
Knew it. "Y'know, it's okay to take some time to think about what to say before ya say anything," Bakugou reassured his crestfallen classmate.
"I know, but if I take too long, I'll be yelled at for ignoring the question." Todoroki stiffened his posture, and Bakugou could detect how his eyes silently pleaded to advance the conversation into another topic.
I'm pressing it. "Who the hell's gonna yell at you for thinking?" He arched his brow but remained relaxed against the desk. "Think first. I know yer gonna turn into a sputtering freak if you don't."
Inhaling deeply, Todoroki nodded and seemed to enter a torpid yet critically aware state, and after quite a few moments of silence passed by, he sighed, "I don't really know. I guess it's just something I assumed and then believed." He shrugged.
"See? Now yer not spewin' shit like a sprinkler winding back. Just give yourself some time to think. Try it with what I asked you before."
"About writing poems from my happy thoughts?"
"Got that right."
Was he always like this? Bakugou began to cerebrate while his phlegmatic classmate conjured up a response. Never realized he had an issue with talking to people until recently. He just looks like he hates himself in those moments. Like you can hear his thoughts but not the exact words. He glimpsed over at Todoroki, whose pupils were flicking back and forth. It's...painful. I don't know if he realizes just how fucking awful he treats himself. God, just the image of him with bloody cuts all over himself hurts.
Todoroki shrugged at last. "I just don't want to."
"Try," Bakugou uttered with conviction. "Right here, right now. Write me a poem about yer happy thoughts. Don't gotta be fancy with it." He overturned his palms and shrugged.
"It's not going to be g—"
"You think I give a shit? That's not what I care about in the slightest. Just make it genuine."
Todoroki gripped his pencil and stared down at the fresh sheet of paper in front of him, and Bakugou observed how Todoroki's hand soon began to fly. Bakugou smirked to himself in relief, but after what felt like a few seconds, Todoroki abruptly drew his head back. He furrowed his brows as Todoroki erased everything but the first line he'd scrawled onto the paper.
Why'd he erase everything? Now, he just looks hella uncomfortable. 'Why is it that my indifference is both my chair and my noose?' What he said keeps coming back to me. He stands on it and gets hanged by it. It's just another step towards the noose? But they're the same thing. May—
Unceremoniously shooting up from his seat, Todoroki muttered, "I'm sorry..." He clawed the paper into a crumpled ball and began to stride towards the door.
As Todoroki tossed the paper into the bin beside the door, Bakugou walked over to the same bin and extracted the paper.
I feel like I should follow him, but that's so damn intrusive. What did he even write? It's faint, but I can still make it out. Let's see...
Happy thoughts.
A jubilant dance in my head.
Happy thoughts
Sing and say I'm better off dead.
Happy thoughts.
Come back, I say.
Happy thoughts.
They fly away.
Happy thoughts.
I tried to touch.
Happy thoughts.
They hurt too much.
Happy thoughts.
A poison inside.
Happy thoughts
Taste like cyanide.
Happy thoughts
Don't exist.
Happy thoughts.
Bloody wrist.
Happy thoughts.
Oh, how they sting.
Happy thoughts
Leave me hanging.
YOU ARE READING
Facade | Suicidal Todoroki x Bakugou
Fanfiction"Why is it that my indifference is both my chair and my noose?" Todoroki has lied about being fine to the point where he's replaced his true face with the facade he wears, but one day, an encounter with Bakugou changes his life. Will this encounter...
